Exploration

A dream

2012-02-02T01:39:00.000-07:00

This may very well be a bizarre post so don't feel bad if you think I'm nuts. I wanted to share with you a dream I had not too long ago that really made me think. The dream is as follows: For some reason my time on earth was short. I don't know why I was on the verge of dying, whether it was illness or something else, but I was dying. I decided that I wanted to leave behind a sperm sample and after I died, AJ and his wife Lacey and Cooper and his wife (whoever she may be) then elected to be artificially inseminated with my semen thereby bringing into the world two of my children. AJ and Lacey had a girl and Cooper and his wife had a boy. Both couples named their babies the two names I have chosen for my eldest son and daughter and raised those children as their own. When I woke up I was like, "woh, weird!" But now that I have thought about it I will admit that this dream does reveal a truth about myself. If I was in fact told today that I had some sort of illness and was going to soon die, the idea that I could leave some sort of posterity on the earth would bring incredible comfort to me. I think we all want to leave behind some sort of legacy and for me a biological legacy would be a huge part of that. Let me clarify that I would never ask this of my brothers. But if this scenario were to play out and my sisters in law decided to have a kid using my seed I would be overwhelmed with gratitude to them and my brothers especially. I would also be incredibly comforted knowing that even though I was going to leave the world soon, my biological children would be here upon the earth. I would be fine with the fact that they would be sealed to my Brothers. It's the fact that they would be a continuation of my genetic footprint here on earth. Part of me would remain here on earth in them.

You can be creeped out if you want to.

Update from following morning: I just want to let you know I wrote that after having taken an ambien. Hah. But it's still all true.

Pushing

2011-11-29T22:24:00.001-07:00

I just read over this post and realized that the tone could be taken as very sad when in actually I am writing this very matter-of-factly with a hint of self deprecation. I'm not sad. I am feeling very optimistic.

The process of applying to grad school has been really intense and stressful. But it's totally in my head. I am proud to say though that I have continued to push forward and am close to being finished with the application process. This past Saturday I completed a big step that I have been fretting for quite some time. Taking the GRE was quite the experience. There were a couple times during the test where I could feel myself starting to lose it a little. I think a lot of it is that they didnt let me take my chapstick in with me. I was going craaaaaazy. It really wasnt the chapstick. I was genuinely panicking. I survived though. As for my performance on the test, not great. I was really pretty upset about the thing and cried in my mother's arms (cut me some slack, I'm only 29). No but I'm being serious. I cried. And said dammit. "Just take it again, Code!" you may say. To which I reply, "No thanks." The next time I could even take it would be after the application deadlines for the schools I'm applying to. I'm totally ok with it though. I'm going to apply with the scores I have and see what happens. That is really my only choice.

There are some new developments in the programs I am applying to. I am still applying to Clinical Psych programs, but I have added to my application list two Masters of Social Work programs. "Ewwwwwww, Social Work?!" "Good luck affording food and toilet paper and clothes and hair product (essentials)." A Masters of Social Work is actually a very legit path to where I want to get. It would allow me to be a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. As a LCSW I can still open a private practice and work as a therapist. The reason I am entertaining this idea is that it would cost me A LOT LESS MONEY. Once I am a LCSW I can work while doing my doctorate if I so desire which would further decrease future student debt. Plus, doing a masters will allow me to dominate grade wise which will allow me to apply to better schools for my doctoral degree (my BYU grades were fairly mediocre [3.17 gpa]). The two MSW programs I am applying to are Utah State (womp womp I hate Logan) and Arizona State. I would LOVE to go to ASU. A) warm weather, B)I can still get in state tuition as a Utah resident and C) warm weather. Not to mention the fact that their MSW program is awesome. They have a direct practice emphasis which is exactly what I want and just looking at the list of required classes got me all giddy. I am really hoping to get in to that program. If I do, I would give it priority over any Clinical Psych doctoral program I get into. One more benefit of the MSW: if I decide to just stick with that degree and not go the complete doctoral route, I would only be in school for two years. Pretty nice. However, at this point I am pretty committed with going all the way and getting my doctoral degree.

Another part of the application process that had me super stressed was getting letters of recommendation. I had no intention of continuing with psychology so I never took the time to cultivate relationships with my psych professors. I knew I could count on one professor and when I contacted him he replied that he was more than willing. For the other two I had to get pretty creative. Whether they will work or not, I don't know. We will certainly find out. One I requested from a past bishop I had. I was his executive secretary and we worked very closely together. When I talked to him he said he would approach the letter from more of a professional working relationship which is great. A letter from a bishop talking about the strength of my testimony would do me no good. I am grateful he saw exactly how to approach the letter. Next, I have a letter coming from the teacher in charge of the class I volunteered in at the Utah State Hospital children's unit. When I went in to the class to ask her, she was so happy to see me. She gave me a hug and was so kind. I told her what my plans were and she was thrilled to write me a letter.

I feel like things are falling in place for me. Not only has this been progress made, but it has pushed me to do things that have made me uncomfortable which is also progress.

PS watch this video. It's mind blowing. I wonder what her degrees are in. Oh, yeah. Social work.

Concerned

2011-10-30T03:06:00.003-06:00

I recently wrote an e-mail to a friend of mine. I decided to post an adapted version of the email here as well because I would like to hear what you think. This is something that has been weighing very heavily on my mind for the past few weeks.

I am planning to go to grad school for clinical psychology. I am in the process of applying to a handful of doctoral progams and will be taking the GRE in 3 weeks. While I like to think I am an intelligent person, the measurements schools use to assess my intelligence and probable success as a student indicate that I am about as dumb as a rock. Like I said, I am taking the GRE in three weeks and I really do not expect to do super well. And I don't say that in a pessimistic or dramatic way but in what I see as a logical and realistic way. Also, my GPA is not stellar. I have about a 3.1. The schools I am applying to fit into three categories: probable, possible and long shot. Again, looking at my situation in what I believe to be a logical way, I think there is a possibility of getting rejected by every school I apply to. But let's say I get into one of my "probable" schools. They are not renowned or well known but expensive nonetheless. When I graduate I will be a psychologist, yes, but one that graduated from a school that no one has heard of but cost a pretty penny. Am I stupid to go to one of these schools? Am I stupid to incur the debt that accompanies an education these days? In all honesty, I don't see that I really have any other options. If you were in my shoes what would you do? The only thing that has kept me from giving up (beside my desire to be a psychologist) is something my brother Cooper said. Like many of us in the Swenson clan he has been dealing with depression and anxiety and has met with two different psychologists, one that graduated from BYU, the other Penn State (both great programs) but both Doctors did not accomplish much with my brother. He pointed this out to me and said he thinks that what makes a good psychologist is the actual person and not the school they went to. I do believe that I would be a good psychologist. I believe that I could really help a lot of people. I believe that I have talents and an intuition that cannot be taught in a school. All the schools I am applying to are APA accredited which for me is a non negotiable. But most lack name recognition. It would not bother me to graduate from a school that no one has heard of but I do wonder if it would hurt me. This a decision I will make with a lot of prayer. I would also love to know what you think.

I do want to add that I am fasting and praying for miracles and I am trying to be faithful and trusting.

I've been shot!

2011-09-06T20:47:00.005-06:00

A friend of Cooper's is a photographer attending the Art Institute in Salt Lake City. She is very talented and asked me if I would let her take some pictures of me. I was more than willing having seen her past work. Follow this link to see the pictures of me on her blog. Artistic people blow my mind.

Lesson Learned

2011-09-06T00:38:00.003-06:00

I wanted to share with you something I have learned from what I consider to be a past mistake. It is something I regret and try not to dwell upon but I will be honest when I say that it is at the forefront of my mind.
When I lived in Santa Monica there was a girl there that I came to have very strong feelings for. I took her on a couple dates and had hoped she was the "reason" for my moving there. It got to the point where I began to doubt in her interest which as I look back, I genuinely don't know if I was looking for a reason to abandon ship because of my own personal fears or if she truly was uninterested. I ended up giving up by telling myself she wasnt interested and that really was the last straw in my decision to move back to Utah.
What I regret is not expressing to her my feelings. I should have laid it all out there because had I done that one of two things could have happened. She could have expressed reciprocal interest or she could have said, "sorry buddy, not happening." Either way, I would have known exactly how she felt because I had communicated to her my feelings.
I battle at least a couple times a week with that regret. I still think she is a fantastic girl. If it were not for the fact that she was in a serious relationship with someone I respect greatly, I would call her and tell her how I felt. And if there was interest on her part I would seriously pack up and go down to LA and live in my car.
I recognize it is not healthy to dwell on the past like this, but I am grateful to say that I have learned from this event and feel like I have made great progress in the last month in moving forward. What I have learned is that the next time I have feelings for someone the way I did (still do) for Danielle I will pursue her unceasingly. That sounds pretty stalkerish. What I mean is that I will continue to try to develop the relationship I want with that girl and that for me to back off would require the girl vocally saying to me, "Cody, you're a freak, leave me alone for the love of all that is good and holy!"
"You need to move on, Cody." you might say. I agree and I think that I am moving on. I do think it is ok to, from time to time, review the past to evaluate and learn what to do differently. I have written out these feelings as a sort of cathartic way of taking what was in my head and putting it out into the light of day in the hopes that my moving on process will be accelerated. Make sense?

To the Future

2011-08-11T00:27:00.003-06:00

For the past month I have been engaged in a very aggressive reprogramming of my brain. There are are a few things that tend to trouble me but I quickly seek to push them out of my mind. One such thing is past failure to take advantage of opportunities the universe has provided me. I battle daily to not think, "Ah man, I blew it." Last night I was in bed again fighting to not dwell on those thoughts when I had a really great realization. If the universe has provided me with great opportunities in the past, then I can surely attract more opportunities that are as great, if not greater, than those I feel like I let pass. That thought is what I use to replace my feelings of, "Ah man, I blew it." If those feelings come, they are quickly replaced. I intend to be presented with incredible and miraculous opportunities. The kind that will blow my mind when they show up. I will recognize those opportunities because I am seeking them out.

Request

2011-05-29T19:17:00.006-06:00

If/when I die, it is of utmost importance that I be buried with a sword. Like so.

Not a fake sword. Not a nerf sword. A genuine sword.

Summer!!!

2011-03-08T23:19:00.003-07:00

I am starting to get really excited for the summer time. Seriously. Summer is definitely my most favorite time of year. I have some plans I am really excited about. Like a brother brother road trip to California with Cooper and a cruise to Mexico that I was invited to go on for only $95. I am super excited about the cruise but at the same time I feel a little trepidation with all the drug cartel stuff that has been going on. I would really love to make it out to New York. I am dying to visit that place so I would really love to go. We'll see if it happens.
I have decided that I will be quitting my current job at the end of April whether I have another job line up or not. I have really come to appreciate some of my co workers and some of the management. But the job itself and some other issues are a bit more than I prefer to deal with. I am hoping with all of my being to be able to get a job with Telos. They are a treatment center for struggling teens. I think I would really enjoy it.

All is Right in the World

2011-02-21T00:59:00.002-07:00

About a month ago Shiny Toy Guns posted a count down on their web site. A count down to what, no one knew. Now, I have been boycotting Shiny Toy Guns ever since they kicked out their singer Carah Faye. But I still could not help but be curious about this mysterious count down. About a week before the count down was to end, the news came that the girl Shiny Toy Guns had replaced Carah with had been released from the band as well. It kinda made me mad even though I did not like their new singer. I thought to myself, "wow, proof that Carah was not the problem." So there began to be speculation that the count down would be to the announcement of a new singer. The night the count down would end I went to the site. I watched as the last five minutes counted down. Once they did, I hit refresh to find the site was down. "OK, their removing the count down and posting the news," I thought. I continued to refresh to finally find that the following video had been posted.

Watching the video blew my mind. As soon as it started and I saw the feminine figure dressed in the snow clothes and mask I thought to myself, "holy cow, they're bringing Carah back!" A thought I quickly dismissed however, because of how painful being kicked out was for Carah. And not to mention the fact she had a new band who had recently released an awesome EP. I just couldnt imagine she'd want to come back after that. At the end of the video, when she pulled down her mask and confirmed that she was in fact back I was so overjoyed that I started to shake. Kinda ridiculous, I know. Not only was I completely stoked Carah was back, but I was completely and utterly impressed by the concept of the video. I can think of no better way to deliver such incredible news.

I am glad the guys of Shiny Toy Guns wised up. Their second album was nothing special in contrast to their first and emmy nominated album. Carah's vocals are a huge part of the essence of Shiny Toy Guns and I am glad she is back where she belongs. I cannot wait for their next album. It will undoubtedly be really good.

I follow Carah on Twitter and the other day I tweeted to her.

@Carahfaye When you guys tour be sure to come see us in Utah! We love you out here and are so stoked you're back where you belong!

To my shock and amazement, she responded to my tweet!

@codystenswenson Utah is on the top of the list my friend! Thanks for the warm welcome!

And to boot, she is now following me on twitter. So yeah, I'm kinda a big deal. ;)

Is it possible?

2011-02-16T02:16:00.004-07:00

We took Annie to the vet to have her looked at. For about the past month she has been peeing all over the place and then a couple weeks ago her mouth started bleeding. When we entered the Vet's office we were taken into the exam room where we sat and waited for a good half hour. So annoying. But while we were sitting there I got really sad and had to fight back the tears. Being there made the possibility of having to put Annie down very real. And I didnt like it. Finally the Doctor came in. We explained to him what was going on. First of all, he was very impressed by her age. He said the incontinence can sometimes happen in older dogs who have been spade because they are not able to create the hormone's necessary for the "sphincter" that cuts off the flow of urine to function properly. He said we could try some drugs but that it would most likely take about a month to see if they would fix the issue. To me, the peeing is the biggest issue. I can handle the other "crazy" stuff but having her, her bed and the carpet around her bed soaked in urine is obviously an issue. She wreaked. As for her mouth, he said she just has pretty bad tartar build up and that she should have her mouth cleaned. Before doing the cleaning they wanted to first do blood tests to make sure she was in good enough health to handle being anesthetized. After doing the blood tests we found out she has pancreatitis which is why she was having her little tremors. She was shaking out of pain. We have her on a prescription food as well as some other pills that will get rid of the pancreatitis. Then we'll get her teeth cleaned.

I went in to the appointment thinking that that there would be nothing we could do for her and that we would be leaving faced with the chore of preparing mentally to put her down. If we could just get the peeing thing fixed she could have a chance at another few years.

Now I don't know if this is even scientifically possible. I really don't. My whole family is completely baffled. Since we have given Annie her first pill that is supposed to address her incontinence, she has not peed a drop in her bed or in the house. It has been almost a week now and no accidents. Is that even possible? Can a medication make a difference after the first dose (Bri, I would love to know what Dan says)? I would say no. But the fact is that Annie went from saturating Costco brand dog beds with urine, squirting urine any time she stood up, and dripping almost always to only excreting urine when she wishes to do so, outside on the grass. The new bed my mom bought her is dry as a bone. I am so incredibly grateful. I really hope that it is the medicine and that this current change is a long term one.

Like I said earlier, I really thought Annie's time had come. But with the incontinence in check, I think she still has a couple more years left in her.

Dr. Swenson?

2011-02-03T20:25:00.008-07:00

I have been meaning to write for the past two weeks. The 22nd of January was the year anniversary of my move out to California. It kinda blows my mind that time has gone by that quickly. To be honest, I am a little sad that moving out to California didnt work out. I really enjoyed it out there and I miss my ward greatly. As difficult as it was to come back to Utah, I can see reasons why it was better for me to be here. At least I think so. I am trying to have faith that that is the case because of the feelings I felt when making up my mind to move back. I cannot help but feel slightly conflicted because of things I feel like I did not see through before leaving. I regret immensely not vocalizing how I felt about a girl in my old ward. I think it would be a lot easier getting over her if I did not have the "what ifs" I presently have in my mind. What if the way I was interpreting her interest (or lack thereof) was totally wrong? What if vocalizing how I was feeling would have resulted in more clarity in what was for me a confusing experience? When I started writing I had ZERO intention of writing about this girl. Funny how that works, right?

Moving on.

The single greatest and most important reason I am glad to be back in Utah is to be here while the most important person in my life is going though the most difficult time of his. I have the utmost respect and love for my brother Cooper. He is a giant of a man.

A sad development in the Swenson home is the ever quickening decline of our dog Annie. Annie was always a very proper, lady like, almost regal dog. I truly think young and middle age Annie would be embarrassed by old senile Annie. In the past few months she has become what I would describe as demented. As in, dementia is setting in. She has days where its like no one is home. She wanders around the house aimlessly. She is constantly scavenging for any morsel of food she might find on the ground. She whines incessantly. She wants to be let out at least 50 times a day. She is constantly licking herself. She repeatedly licks her bed for who knows what reason. She gets Parkinson's-like tremors. She has lost control of her bladder and the list goes on. What makes me the most sad is that she has gone from being a beloved pet to an incredible annoyance. Just saying that makes me feel terrible but it's true. However, no matter how annoying and frustrating she has become, the thought of putting her down tears out my heart. I just cannot do it. I love Annie so much. She has always been a LOYAL friend and companion to this family. No matter how nutso she is, she will still greet us with some sort of gift in her mouth (a dish towel, a shoe, or anything else on the floor she can pick up). This is not a fun part of pet ownership. It would be easier if she got hit by a car or became super sick and had to be put down. But Annie's is an issue of a vanishing mind. Her's is the slow struggle with succumbing to an aging body. My poor precious feef. Just typing about it chokes me up.

When I graduated with a degree in Psychology, there was really no intention of pursuing it. Law school was the route for me. But then I decided to give acting a go. While in California I had the first of a series of experiences that have resulted in some recent decisions. I was sitting with two girls from my ward. We were having a conversation in which one of the girls was telling us about some difficulties she was experiencing. Some of her struggles were similar to struggles I have dealt with. I was able to offer some advice which turned out to be really helpful to her. It was a very special experience to me and lead to a really great relationship with the two girls. Without getting in to specifics, after giving her the advice I had and knowing I had done my undergrad in Psychology, the girls expressed to me that they could not understand why I would not continue in psychology to become a psychologist. Just a couple months after that experience I received the news from my mom that Rex, the therapist that had helped my sister and I so much, had died from complications from a staff infection. It was news that really shook me. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of loss. And not personal loss but rather that the world had just lost an incredible resource. All the talent, knowledge and experience that inhabited that body was gone. I remember the thoughts coming into my mind that I could do the kind of good for others that Rex had done and that that was one of my talents. I tried to ignore those thoughts because I wanted to be an actor. After returning to Utah, knowing acting was not right for me I started thinking about what I was going to do with my life. On the list was Law, business, psychology. Psychology was third because I really did not want to do another 4 years of school and then a year long internship. Then, just a couple months ago, when Cooper came home and started dealing with what he is dealing with, I saw the negative impact of "bad" therapists. After praying and fasting, I overcame the negative feelings I had toward going back to school and felt like I needed to continue with Psychology. So, my current plan is to take the GRE and then apply to PH.D/Psych.D programs in Clinical Psychology. I am definitely worried and hope to get into a semi-descent program. I refuse to go to the University of Phoenix or any of those type schools. I need to kick butt on the GRE and get some good letters of recommendation. One thing going for me is that I am a guy. Psych doctoral programs are full of girls and being a guy will benefit me. I am really hoping to stay in Utah for financial reasons and the support of being near people I love. BYU has a program, the U of U has a program and Utah State has a program. I will apply to BYU and the U for sure. I will not apply to Utah State because I would rather go to school in Alaska then live in Logan (that's a slight exaggeration but only slight). There are out of state schools that I will apply to as well including some in California but I would really rather not go to school in California because of how expensive it is to live there. There is a school in New Mexico (looking at you Bri) that I will apply to and one in Vegas (looking at you Ash) that I will apply to. We'll see how it goes. :)

Trust me, I too have said to myself multiple times, "I would rather die than go back to school." Especially for another 4 years followed by a year long internship. But the bottom line is that no matter what I do, the time will pass. Five years will go by no matter what. However, what I "am" after that time is up to me. I feel good about this decision.

A note from one of those morons you hear about on the news

2010-12-02T19:17:00.005-07:00

Just so you all know, the reason I have privatized my blog is that the post I made a week back about my frustrations with working at a certain restaurant were found by said restaurant's owners. How they found it I do not know because I never used the name of the restaurant. I used the English translation of the bird the restaurant is named after in the title but I don't think that would lead to them finding the post just by googling the restaurant name like they claim. I think they probably were googling the names of new employees or something. Anyhow, I did not get in trouble but rather was assured action would be taken on scheduling me within my availability. Fortunately the owners were not upset at me blogging about my frustrations but were in stead concerned about the frustrations I and others working there have. When they first told me they had found my blog I about crapped my pants. Also, I just felt like a moron. I just would have never imagined they would find that post. I use my blog to vent my frustrations sometimes and was in no way trying to slander the restaurant and for that reason did not use the restaurant's name. All is well. At this point I have no intention of leaving. My concerns were addressed and I expect things to go well from here on out.

Peace and Panic

2010-08-06T17:33:00.003-06:00

When I made the decision to move to LA, I knew it was for a reason. I had prayed about the move and felt that it was important to go and not necessarily for the reasons I hoped. I had hoped that I would move down and make a living doing something I enjoy: acting. I had hoped that I'd make a lot money and pay off my debt as well as the debt of my family. I recognized that failure in accomplishing those things was a possibility and that when I could be going down for other reasons. Perhaps I'd find my eternal companion. Or maybe I'd find a really cool job that would arouse some undiscovered passion of mine. I was open to the possibilities of just what this "important" reason for moving down to LA could be. Once down there, I got involved in doing background work. I recall a specific time being surrounded by people chatting about their sexual exploits. It really bothered me. I was mad because they were offending me, and I was dumbfounded by their lack of professionalism. I also started to take notice of the people in my ward who were involved in the industry. They were the people who didn't stay for all three hours of church. They were the ones that would go months without even coming to church. They were the one's that did not take the sacrament. They were the ones who came to church dressed as if they were walking the red carpet at the Oscars. They were the ones that sought to glorify themselves. One might say, "wow, that's really judgmental." You're right. It is. But I don't feel bad in the least. These experiences started to make me really think about what exactly I was working towards. I started to feel really troubled. About a week prior to Fast Sunday in July, I decided to call and set up an appointment with my bishop. I wanted to talk to him and tell him what I was feeling. I wanted to tell him that I was giving a lot of thought to going back to school. I wanted to know what he thought about my situation. Bottom line, I was really hoping for some direction. Well, Fast Sunday came and I fasted for direction. After church, I went to my interview with Bishop and laid out everything I was feeling, my intentions for moving to LA and how I was really conflicted about my current pursuits. He gave me some really great advice. He was completely loving and building in offering his counsel. In talking with Bishop, I really feel like the Lord blessed me with the direction and personal revelation I was seeking. I decided that day that I would go back to school. I started researching schools in California and always felt nauseated by the cost. It was uncanny. Even in state tuition was expensive, not to mention living costs are astronomical. I then gave some thought to the possibility of moving back to Utah but quickly dismissed that. I had felt there was something important for me to accomplish or gain in my move to LA and I still did not know what that was. I felt like I could not leave without knowing what that reason was. At the time, I was really hoping something would happen with a girl that I had really strong feelings for. I wondered and hoped that maybe she was the important something. However, nothing came of that and I felt all the more confused. I talked to my mom about it and she asked me if I had prayed to know why It was important for me to come to LA. It was so simple, but I had not prayed specifically to know WHAT it was. So I did. I prayed and I received my answer. For the past 7 years, the hope for and possibility of pursuing and acting career was a hole in my sail. It was a great unknown that had never looked into. I came to LA and did just that. I looked into an acting career and as it turns out, did not like what I saw. I came to what I feel is a vital realization. I will forever love acting and it is good to have something you love and enjoy. But my desire to have an acting career is surpassed by my desire to be an active member of the church and a good father with a healthy family life. One of the strongest impressions I felt in answer to my prayer is that an acting career would not allow me to fulfill callings that I have been foreordained to fulfill. The realization that the things that are most important to me could be jeopardized by my pursuit of a passion is the important thing I came to LA for. When I realized that the conclusions I had come to through fasting, prayer, scripture study, temple attendance and counseling with my bishop were the very thing I had come to LA to learn, I knew there was only one logical step to take next. It was to go back to school in Utah where I could afford to do so. I was planning to return to Utah at the end of August due to the fact that I was going to have to give a months notice to my apartment that I would be leaving. However, when I told them I was going to leave, they told me they had someone they knew looking for a place and that I could leave immediately without giving notice if I wanted. So I did. I packed all my stuff up in two days. This past Monday, I made my return to Utah. My second day back, I was working when in California it took me six months to find a job with Target which paid very little. I am in the process of signing up for classes and am actually really excited about them. I feel like I have been really blessed as I seek to follow the Lord's guidance. I can see how some could look at the last 6 months as a total waste and a failure. But I wear the last six months as a badge of honor. It proves to me that I aspire and am not afraid to pursue dreams. I have the courage to take a leap of faith that involves leaving behind everything that is familiar. I came closer to my Father in Heaven as I sought to do what I felt was right. He made bare his arm in my favor. I saw countless miracles as I tried to stay alive out there and I am looking forward to continued miracles.

Travel

2010-07-28T20:20:00.003-06:00

I have met a lot of people that are well traveled and have seen the world. I am so jealous of them. There are so many places that I would like to see and visit. Traveling is so expensive, though. So I have decided to start small. I have never been to Hawaii so I think I am going to start saving up for a trip to Hawaii. It is such a beautiful place and well worth seeing.

Fatima

2010-07-27T02:14:00.003-06:00

In my favorite book, The Alchemist, Santiago pursues his dream which told him to go to the pyramids in Egypt. Along his journey to the pyramids, he met a girl named Fatima who he falls in love with. I made a decision awhile back to follow a dream and to come to LA. I met a girl here that I had hoped would be my Fatima. However, it seems she is not interested in being my Fatima. While I cannot help but be sad about that fact, at the same time I know that she is missing out. Big time. I was prepared to give her all of me. Those that know me know that it would take a lot for me to get to that point and I am glad to see that I was capable of getting to that point. It is all ok though. I will just keep moving forward because I know my Fatima is somewhere.

On another note, I feel a lot of gratitude for my Heavenly Father and for personal revelation. I find it fascinating the way in which we are directed and I know that when we follow the revelation we receive, no matter the outcome, we can have the assurance that God's will is being done and that everything will be ok. For example, coming to LA has been such a difficult thing but I felt really strongly that it was what I was supposed to do and as a result I have grown and learned very important things. Things that I would never have learned had I not come. I am so grateful for the Temple, the scriptures and prayer. Those three things have been my lifelines. They are obviously important in anyone's spiritual well being, but I have really learned the unique and personal ways in which those are crucial for my own spiritual well being.

Home

2010-07-24T12:01:00.002-06:00

I love California. I love the beauty of this place. I love the diversity that exists here. I grew up in California and am very grateful I did. However, it is not the same without having my family here. After my mission, I returned to Utah where my family had moved. I like Utah a lot. It is also a beautiful place. There are things I really like about it but I do prefer California. I have learned though, that "home" is not a geographical location but rather people. Home is Todd and Olivia, AJ, Caitlin, Zach and Cooper (Annie, too). When I get married I know that home will become whoever it is I marry and that is something I really want.

A place of love and beauty

2010-07-12T22:45:00.002-06:00

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to attend the Temple with my family as Cooper went through for the first time. It was such an incredible experience. I really enjoyed watching Cooper through out the temple session. Seeing him in his temple clothes and knowing that he was worthy to be there was such a proud and special moment. As the session ended and we got to enter the Celestial Room, I was overcome with emotion as I entered to see AJ, Caitlin, Cooper and my mom and dad. We stood there in a circle and talked for awhile. The image of that circle is forever burned into my memory. I will always remember it. I remember feeling proud of Cooper but also happy for my parents. It must be such an incredible feeling to have all your children there with you in the temple (minus of course Zach but we all know he's ok as far as exaltation goes). I am so grateful for eternal families. It is such a joy and a comfort to know that we will be with each other forever.

Too long

2010-05-17T00:26:00.003-06:00

It has been awhile since I have posted and as I am sitting here typing I'm thinking about how I would rather not. But because of the fact that has been such a long time, I am going to push forward and still post. :)

There are a couple things that I must make at least a brief mention of. They are things that have happened in my family that I am thrilled about. At night, when I pray, these things are at the top of my thank you list. First, my dad graduated from the Radiology Tech program. Not only did he graduate, but he dominated the final test he had to take. He needed to receive at least a 70% to graduate and he got a 94%. This is a huge deal for my family because of their current financial situation and is a goal my dad has been working very hard to achieve. I am so proud of him. Second, my brother Cooper got his mission call. He will be serving in Bolivia!!! I am thrilled that he'll be learning Spanish and that he'll be serving amongst such a special and humble people. My brother Cooper is one of my absolute favorite people. I am so grateful that he has lived his life in a way that has qualified him to serve the Lord in such an important capacity. He'll be entering the MTC September first. He'll be in the Provo MTC for three weeks and will then go to the MTC in Peru. It will be sad to have him leave for two years, but the joy I feel about what he'll be doing is far greater. He'll be amazing!!!

I have now been in California for almost 4 months. Besides my decision to serve a mission, it has been the best decision I have made. It has been incredibly difficult but I feel like I have learned so much. I am still learning with every day. I remember telling my parents that I felt like I needed to do this to force myself out of my comfort zone. I LOVE my family and would be totally happy living in my parents basement for the rest of my life but that's not how it's supposed to be. Moving out here on my own has forced me to go into survival mode. I have really had to rely on the Lord and myself to survive and I feel like the Lord and I make a great team.

Now for a quick update on what I am up to. I'm working for the Census which has turned out to be a great experience. I was asked to be my crew leader's assistant so most my time is spent in meetings. I still get out to knock doors from time to time but not a whole lot and I'm fine with that. The work has gone by very quickly and will probably not last as long as I had anticipated. Our crew has whizzed through our district so I believe I will be back on the job hunt sooner than later. My aunt Mimi told me about possible employment with TSA which would be great. It would only be part time, but it would get me insurance which is something I really want.

I'll post more later. Just know that I am very happy and feel so blessed. The Lord has been so good to me. Life is good.

Check this out

2010-03-26T15:35:00.000-06:00

My sister has started a new blog about the adventures my family has had with my brother Zach. Check it out here.

I want this.

2010-03-24T02:57:00.001-06:00

I love this quote from The Alchemist. I want this.

"And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one's dreams would have no meaning."

Precious Lands Await Me

2010-03-20T15:44:00.002-06:00

About a week and a half ago, I was hooked up with an incredible job interview. It was with a company called Palisades Wealth Management. I first had a phone interview with the owner. A guy named Steve. He said that I sounded great and that he would like me to come in to speak with him face to face. Now, when I first was told about the job I had in mind that it was some sort of small start up company but as soon as I pulled up to the office I realized I was quite wrong. It was located in a huge high rise building. The office had an incredible view and the guy that interviewed me was wearing an INCREDIBLE suit. As he was conducting the interview, he got to the point where he was going to tell me what they planned on paying me. It went like this.
Him: We would pay you in the lower thirties an hour, does that sound about right to you?"
Me: "(a little poop comes out)....yeah."
The poop coming out is an exaggeration but not by much. Not only was I super stoked, I was terrified at the same time. Anyhow, I went home and was blown away. If I landed the job, i'd be making at least 60k a year. I just prayed (wrestlemania style) that the Lord's will would be done. I saw an opportunity to pay off all my student loans, and to be in a position to easily provide for myself here in LA. A few days later, I was reading in the scriptures in 1 Nephi: 17. I marked a couple snippits from some verses.

1 Nephi: 17:1 ...And we did travel and wade through much affliction in the wilderness...

1 Nephi 17:3 ...And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and strengthen them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them...

1 Nephi 17:38 ...And he leadeth away the righteous into precious lands...

After I marked that third snippet, my cell phone rang. When I answered, it was Palisades Wealth Management letting me know that the position had been awarded to someone else and that they appreciated me applying. Of course I was bummed as my funds are depleting and I am in real need of a job. However, that feeling of being bummed lasted for about a millisecond. I could not ignore what I had just read. I don't think words can truly convey just how visible the Lord's hand has been in my life since I have made this move to LA. It really is uncanny. I talk about it all the time with my mom. The Lord has been so BLATANT about blessing me. I know that he will provide and that I will find a job that will allow me to provide for myself. I LOVE that third snippet because "precious lands" can symbolize anything that we stand in need of. I know that as long as I am righteous and continue to seek to do the Lord's will, and apply the atonement daily, I can rest assured that he will lead me into precious lands.

I LOVE MY WARD. I have really fallen in love with my Bishop. He is an incredible man. I have had a couple opportunities to chat with him and I know he is filled with love for all of us in his ward. The last time I saw him he said he heard a rumor that I'll be getting a calling. He said it with a devious grin. We had a good laugh. Also, there are some really great members in the ward. I am really enjoying attending FHE and Institute each week. Those activities really help to fortify me and have helped me to make some really good friends.

In regards to my last blog, that girl still has my eye. Both of them actually, ocular nerves included. I have had an opportunity to hang out with her in a group setting and to actually converse with her and she is as cool as I had hoped she would be. Like, woh. I know I need to do something but I'll be honest I am terrified. There are many reasons why I am intimidated by her but one thing that really is hard for me is that I feel like I don't have much to offer. My ward is largely comprised of young professionals. There are a lot of guys that are my age that already have careers and are making good money and have established lives. She as well has a legitimate career and is doing really well for herself. And then there is me. I have a degree in psychology...and am here pursuing acting...I am unemployed...and have zero prospects at this point. I realize that there is more to a relationship than that but I think that's a pretty legitimate concern. I dunno.

Most of you know that I have a back up plan. I am going to give acting a set amount of time and if nothing happens I will move forward. Law school has been the predominant back up plan. However, recently I have given a lot of thought to continuing my study of Psychology and becoming a counselor. I had a really neat experience sitting with someone from my ward who is currently having a hard time and I was able to really give her some great advice and help her have some ah hah moments but in a non threatening and non intrusive way. One of my biggest pet peeves is people that think they have life all figured out and pry into your business all under the guise of "trying to help". It was really exhilarating being able to help her like that and she was genuinely appreciative. After the conversation, she asked, "now, why aren't you a counselor?" I laughed at first and then really had an ah hah moment of my own. So, it appears there is more on the table of possible back up plans.

This post is getting long but I want to add one more thing. Four times a year the singles ward does not meet and our bishop has us attend a family ward because he feels its important we see what we should be seeking to become (fathers, mothers, etc.). So I attended the local Spanish ward. It was my first time attending a Spanish speaking ward since my mission and it was SO AWESOME. I really had missed attending a ward made up of such humble and faithful people. I had missed hearing the gospel taught in a language that I love so much. It made me want to improve my Spanish. It was funny because that night, as I was praying, I found myself randomly substituting Spanish words for English without realizing it. It made me laugh as I did it because I know its all in my brain and would not take much effort to get it back up to par.

A girl

2010-03-07T22:26:00.004-07:00

There is a girl in my ward here in California that I am very attracted to. She always gives really good answers in Sunday School, she's artsy and it doesn't hurt that she is easy on the eyes. The first time I saw her was my first Sunday attending the Santa Monica Singles ward. It was during Sunday School. I'm the kind of person that likes to look and see who is speaking when comments are being made. She just happened to be making a really great comment my first Sunday so I looked over at her. I was struck not only by the comment she was making but her eyes, her hair, and the big CTR ring on her finger. "Woh," was all I thought. Two weeks later, at an activity a girl that has been really friendly to me in introducing me to people and helping me out etc introduced me to this girl. I was super awkward of course and just made small talk which did not last long. So, here I am presently trying to figure out what to do. I know the first step would be to try and get to know her. I am sure you're thinking that I am making a big deal out of nothing, especially since what is probably sounding like infatuation based completely on a brief conversation. But for me, this is big. As I look back over my life, there have been very rare occasions where I have found myself feeling the way I am. I cannot help but kinda freak out because I want to pursue what for me is very uncharted territory. In my mind I feel like the best thing would be to try and put myself in situations where I am able to make small talk with her so that we can have a relationship not based solely on a brief/awkward conversation. Then from there I can start thinking about asking her out on a date. Am I wrong here? I am genuinely asking for advice. And dont tell me, "you just need to do it Cody." Because I already know that. It's not an option, I just need a general road map of what you think would be an effective/normal way to go about this. Also, would you ask around to find out what her current "situation" is? I am acquainted with people that know her really well and I'd like to ask but I figure that's a sure fire way to come off as strange, as it is likely my asking that kind of thing would get back to her. This whole girl thing is mentally exhausting. It's a wonder the human race has been successful. :) All joking aside, all day today at church I was watching this girl thinking to myself, "how on earth do I do this?!" I am really afraid of "ruining" this ("this" being my chances). My inexperience is a real frustration for me. I know the only way to get through inexperience is by gaining experience but I hate to think that while engaging in that process I scare away girls I am interested in.

I am pretty sure this post is just a hodgepodge of sentence fragments coming from my head. Any advice would be appreciated.

Last weekend was a great one

2010-03-01T23:50:00.004-07:00

Last weekend I got to drive up to Atascadero for the weekend. It was a quick trip but so much fun. One of the blessings of now living in LA is that the Central Coast is so close by. It is an area that I absolutely love so if I ever need to unwind or get away from the intensity of LA I can make the 3 hour drive to Atascadero.

The reason I went up was initially for the wedding reception of one of my close friends Doug Kessinger. He was married in the Fresno temple and then had his reception in the Atascadero ward building. The week prior, I called ahead to see if it was ok to stay at my Aunt Heidi's house. Not only was she thrilled to have me come up, but she also informed me that my cousin Luke's wife Kayla would be getting baptized that same weekend. So I was double thrilled for the trip.

The time came to take off. I left Friday and planned to drive straight to Doug's reception. As I made the drive and got into the Central Coast area, I was in awe of how beautiful it was. I had forgotten just how lush and green it is in the winter. It is absolutely majestic. The green grass, the beautiful oak trees and the rolling hills are definitely my kind of beauty. I finally arrived to the ward building in Atascadero and was thrilled to see so many familiar faces. It was a blast being able to visit with so many people. Doug and his new wife Janell looked so happy. I am really excited for them.

After the reception I headed back to the Monson's house where I would be staying for the weekend. I unloaded my stuff and then was able to spend the evening playing Rook with Heidi, Lee, Tani, Michael and Chloe. It was really fun.

Saturday morning, I was able to get together with some friends for breakfast in San Luis. We ate at The Apple Farm. I had a delicious meal and was able to really visit with some good friends. I especially enjoyed holding Milan and Tani's baby girl Milla. She is such a cutie and has the cutest personality. She is a very smiley baby and she had me smitten. After breakfast, I headed back to Atascadero for Kayla's baptism.

I had been asked the day prior if I wanted to speak on the Holy Ghost. Heidi originally had planned on doing it, but she thought it would be really special if I would do it. I was more than thrilled as I love to speak and teach when it comes to the gospel. I was a little worried about not having much time to prepare. I sat down for a couple hours and wrote down some notes. During the baptism I went over what I had written down, and when it came time to give my talk, I never referred to the notes. Funny how that works. It was a real privilege to share my testimony about the Holy Ghost. The baptism was awesome. Luke baptized her and Lee confirmed her. Lee's confirmation was incredible. He got very emotional as he exhorted Kayla to now seek to go to the temple. The whole meeting was a really spiritual experience and I was so grateful that I was able to be there and to feel the special spirit of a baptismal service.

After the baptism, we went back to the Monson's for a delicious BBQ. It was so fun being with family. The Monsons are a lot of fun and of course we had a lot of really good laughs. After eating an obscene amount of really good food, we broke out the rook cards and played some more rook. The next morning I left, but not before my wonderful Aunt Heidi handed me a shoebox. In the shoebox were a bunch of Chocolate no bake cookies. She knows they are my favorite and she made them for me before I woke up. I said good-bye to Heidi and Lee and came home to Santa Monica.

It is so nice to know that I have family so close by. I miss my immediate family a lot, but it makes it easier knowing that I have the Monsons only a 3 hour drive away. Family is such a beautiful thing. It is truly an inspired institution. I am thankful for the plan of salvation and for eternal families.

Update

2010-02-17T19:10:00.006-07:00

I have sat down multiple times to write a blog but sometimes I'm just not in the mood and I abandon my intentions to head over to facebook or whatever. So tonight, I have sat down and am determined to post. I have much I want to write about that and will try very hard to not let that result in a hurried couple of paragraphs with a sentence per topic.

As you all know, I have a thing about the book The Alchemist and talk a lot about omens. I have seen so many since I have been here in California. I am truly in awe at how visible the Lord's hand has been in my life these past three and a half weeks. I know the Lord knows that this was a difficult leap of faith and he has had my back through every step. I can't help but get a little choked up just thinking about it.

In my last post, I wrote about finding a place. I was overjoyed at finding this place because of it's proximity to the Church building. I walk to the church every Sunday, Monday for Family Home Evening, and Thursday for Institute. All those days leading up to finding my apartment I would sit in the Church parking lot, oblivious to the fact that my future apartment was a half block away. I love thinking about that. But back on topic. I came to find out my apartment's location gets even better. Last week, I went to go take a test to try and get a job with the Census. As I drove to the address where the test was being given I turned onto a street to be welcomed by the beautiful LA Temple. I was thrilled. It was like seeing an old friend. I had not been back since I had originally taken out my endowment in preparation for my mission. It is located less than 5 miles from my apartment. After taking the census test I stopped for gas and decided to take this picture with my phone.

I am a huge fan of the LA Temple. I remember when I was a little kid I used to think it was so boring. And when the San Diego Temple was built, even more so. However, since the age of about 18 it really became so special to me. My parents were sealed there, I was endowed there, and I grew up in the LA Temple district. For me there is no better example of what exactly the temple is than the LA Temple. It is located in LA, surrounded literally by "the world." There are busy streets and businesses close by but the LA Temple grounds are a literal oasis of beauty and serenity. Architecturally, I find the temple beautiful. Much of the exterior detailing is mid century in its design as it was built in the 50s. I cannot wait to go do a session and to spend some time walking the grounds.

Last Monday, I received a message from my Aunt Mimi about a lecture she had heard about. There are many "acting classes" in this area but some more prestigious than others. At one of those more prestigious, there was a lecture that was going to be given for the handful of students that attend. My aunt knows one of the students and so her and I were invited to attend. It was given by Grant Heslov. He's a writer/director/producer/actor who has been nominated twice for an Oscar and is the writing partner of George Clooney.

He's the guy in the middle. I instantly recognized him from the movie Congo. I had always assumed he was just an actor with a mediocre career. I was wrong in a very big way. Acting is just a small piece of the pie that is his career in the entertainment industry. He was incredible. He shared some great insight and information that I found really helpful. Not only did he talk about what he looks for in an actor but he gave counsel that I really needed to here. The two things that stuck out to me were 1) to not take things personally and 2) to take steps every day that get you closer to your goal, even when you feel like you're not accomplishing anything. Number 1 was especially good for me to hear. So often, actors take rejection personally. Grant made it a point to explain that when they are doing auditions, they are looking for very specific things for certain characters. If you arent what they are looking for, that's all there is to it. Its not that you suck, its that you're not what they are looking for. There was a lot more to what he shared with us but I wont go into detail. He just talked a lot about his experience and what he does and what he looks for. I was on the front row listening to this guy and upon exiting the little studio, I could not help but just smile and feel enthused about what I am doing. I was thrilled to have spent that time with him and to hear what he had to say.

Between attending this get together and discovering the Temple was so close, I was thinking last week was a very omen heavy week. However, the week was still not over. On Saturday, I attended a ward activity and got to talking with a girl from the ward. I had previously met her at church where she totally called me out on my true intentions ( I tend to keep the fact I'm here to pursue an acting career to myself ). When I saw her at the activity she asked me how my "quest" was going and if I had started looking for an agent. I told her that I had not really begun to focus on that yet as I had just barely found housing and was still in search of a job. I did tell her though that I really was clueless as to where I should start and that I did not even know how to go about looking for an agent. Then she laid on me the fact that she for a long time worked with one of "the big four" talent agencies. It turns out there are MANY agencies but only four that represent the big Hollywood actors. So, yeah, she worked for one of them. She had just barely left working with them to work for a production company. As I tried to discreetly re hinge my dangling jaw, she then preceded to give me step by step instructions on what I should do to get an agent. So, I am now in the know, at least more so than I was, and I told her that I would definitely want to talk to her again as she had just overloaded my brain with very valuable information. She was SO COOL. Then she said that once I have actual credits (meaning that I have done background work and have had small speaking roles and am a member of SAG) that she would gladly forward my information to her friends still working at the agency. Included in the vast quantities of information she gave me, she also recommended I simultaneously pursue modeling. Now armed with the information she gave me, the first steps she said to take are 1) get registered with a casting agency that does casting for background work. DONE. And 2) start going to a specific list of clubs on the weekends. I was very surprised by this recommendation, and she said that surprisingly, very few people think to do this and that it is a VERY smart way to meet people who are involved in the industry. I'll be honest, this step frightens me. Not because there will be alcohol or anything like that, (psh, no sweat) but because I will be going alone with the instruction of approaching perfect strangers and trying to become their "friend." She said having friends with agents is very beneficial when trying to find representation (not exactly rocket science). Bye bye comfort zone. Yikes.

I have been asked by people to take pictures of where I am living. These pictures are of the court yard at my apartment complex. It is incredibly beautiful. The pictures are taken with my phone as I have no other camera, so the quality is definitely lacking. Enjoy.

You can't really tell in the picture but the above is a water feature. Its a little river that runs through the gardens.

Beautiful right? It's so lush. I love all the palms and other tropical plants they have.

I did want to mention real quick that I have really cool room mates. They're all super nice. They are all football players at Santa Monica College. Obviously we are all different people and we all have different values but they are all very respectful of me and my faith. They try and keep the swearing to a minimum when I am around which is very nice. I love the missionary opportunity it has been to be living with these guys. This is what I LOVED about growing up in California. I have already had many conversations about my beliefs and my standards, etc. all as a result of questions from curious roommates. Additionally, I am enjoying being the only Caucasian in our apartment.

At times it is difficult being in this apartment because I often find that I must create my own localized sanctuary where the spirit can dwell. More localized than say my bedroom. I find the spirit can dwell in the corner where my little twin bed is as I lay with ear plugs in to shut out the profanities being yelled. The following video will demonstrate how this is possible.

The only people that will find that funny are Cooper and Tanner. But seriously, living here has given new and literal meaning to the Pally bubble.

Life is so good. I cannot tell you how happy I am. I know my Heavenly Father loves me and is mindful of me. I also know that I made the right decision in coming here. I have grown so much and continue to be stretched in difficult but valuable ways.

Spoke too soon. But in a good way

2010-02-03T21:52:00.002-07:00

After posting the last blog posting, I hopped on craigslist and searched for housing. I saw a posting that kinda jumped out at me because one of the cross streets it mentioned was Sawtelle Blvd which is the same street where the Church is located. Plus, everything else that was mentioned in the ad was very much within my pretty picky parameters. So, like so many times before, I decided to shoot off a message. After leaving the library, I decided I would go to the Church to sit in the parking lot as I have done many times before. On my way, my phone started ringing. In California it is illegal to use your cell phone while driving unless you have a head set or hands free option. I decided that I would answer anyways. It was the guy I had sent the message to. I asked him if I could call him back after I got off the freeway. So I finished making my way to the church parking lot, pulled in, turned off my car and called the guy back. All the information he gave in response to my grilling was to my liking. I finally asked him if i could go ahead and come over to look at it. He told me where it was located, and much to my surprise, it was only a block away from the church! The guy took me in, showed me the place, and it is great. The apartment building, including parking is completely gated so to even get into the complex you need a key. Next, in the middle of the complex is a very large outdoor courtyard complete with all sorts of trees and greenery and a pool. The complex had also just finished construction on a fitness center/gym and a sauna. Upon entering the apartment I found that the room I would be sharing was fairly large and had a very large walk in closet with ample room for all of my clothes. The three other guys living in the apartment are all students and are low key guys. There was no required deposit and there is no lease so living there is on a month by month basis. I was blown away by how nice it was for as low as the rent is. Rent is only $360 per month plus utilities. Utilities come to about $40 a month and that covers everything including wifi. So I told them I was in and it is now a done deal. When I left, I could not help but smile. After posting my last post, I was on cloud nine but little did I know the universe had much more in store for me today. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for this huge blessing. I am thrilled beyond measure.

Much needed

2010-02-03T14:51:00.002-07:00

This is going to be a quick post because I do not have much time. I really wanted to post it so that I could share this experience as well as show my gratitude.
The past few days I have been listening to The Secret and The Power of Intention. Both of these books on tape are exceptional and really help me to stay positive and focused on creating good in my life. As I was driving today to the Santa Monica Public Library to use the internet I got a text from facebook notifying me of a recently received message in my inbox. I was able to read the message on my phone. It was from a random person with the last name of Swenson who sated they were just searching different Swensons on facebook. This person then proceeded to insult me based solely on my looks and profile. There were many swear words and derogatory terms used and all together the message was evil, mean and full of negative energy. The first feeling i felt was sadness. The things said were hurtful and I instinctively wanted to take it personally. "NO," I thought. "I am not going there." This small battle took all of 5 seconds. I then switched to focusing on good and sending out good energy. About 5 minutes after initially receiving the message, I pulled up to the Library. I got out, and started to feed the meter. "Excuse me," a voice behind me asked. I turned around to see a guy holding fliers in his hand. "There is a focus group being conducted tomorrow tonight and if you come we'll pay you $100." I took the flier and smiled thinking, wow, what a blessing. I was already impressed with what had happened. The man had started to walk away. I continued to feed the parking meter when he turned around again. "Are you by chance an actor?" he asked. "Yes," I replied. "Well, I work for a staffing company. If you come tomorrow, I can give you some information on working for Caterers. We staff for a lot of companies that cater for events around LA and we send you available shifts all the time and you work whichever ones you can." I looked at the guy and just said, wow, I really need something like this. I told him I had just moved here and was looking for work. He gave my his cell number, told me his name was Otis Brown and said to come tomorrow to the focus group or to give him a call. The experience blew my mind. I feel so grateful. This is exactly what I need. A job with flexible hours. I really believe that the negative message I received via Facebook was Satan trying to throw a wrench into the good energy I was sending out and the positive things I am currently attracting. I am so grateful to my Heavenly Father for blessing me with this experience. I really needed this today.

Week 1

2010-01-30T13:53:00.002-07:00

I arrived to LA a week ago tonight. Its crazy to me that it has only been a week because it does seem like longer and it makes me feel better that I have yet to find housing or a job and that I still feel so uncomfortable here. A week is not very long at all. I have made great progress though in the past week. I have had the chance to sign up with a casting agency that basically can get you work as an extra on movies. Obviously this is not the end goal, but its a great way to make some money and to get experience being on set and what not. Yesterday, I set out with my aunt Mimi to take some headshots. It was a blast and we got some incredible shots. After the day was over, Mimi asked me, "so how many shots do you think we took?" I thought we did about 400 but when we got back and uploaded everything to her computer, it turns out we shot 1400 pictures. Wow! I am sooo grateful to my aunt for doing this for me. Getting headshots is expensive so to have her do that is a real blessing. Mimi uploaded a handful of the shots on her facebook, so if you go look at my tagged photos you should be able to see them. They are not final products but just a sample of what we did. Right now I am really focusing on finding housing. The reason it has been difficult is that there are a lot of shady places around here that I would really rather not live in. I know that I cannot be too picky with the price range I am searching, but I also feel like I need to feel good about a place to move in. I have been praying for something to open up with people from church. I am currently working on two leads of possible rooms. One being in the Santa Monica ward which I am really hoping works out, the other being in down town LA which pertains to the LA singles ward. I would be fine with either because they are both affordable and with guys I know I can trust.

I gotta mention how beautiful it is down here. Man, I love the weather. I also love being near the ocean, seeing palm trees and bird of paradise flowers everywhere. Its really awesome being here.

I am so grateful for the church. Not only the organization but the physical building. There have been a couple days where I have had nothing to do, no leads to follow up on for housing or jobs, and because where I am staying is a half hour drive south I would rather stay in Santa Monica in case I was called back by housing people. On those days, I go and park in the church parking lot. I feel safe there and it comforts me when I am feeling the frustration that typically acompanies those days. As for the organization of the church, it gives me so much comfort to attend church. I am dying to go tomorrow.

Today, I have started listening to The Secret again. I have come to the conclusion that I just need to put that on repeat in my car. Its so great to listen to it because It reminds me to be positive and you cannot help but feel empowered while listening. Thoughts really do become things, and I am in need of things right now, so through positive thinking, I will manifest that which I need.

On a somewhat funny and maybe to my mother a scary note, I have almost lost my life three times driving around this place. Rush hour is ridiculous and highly stressful. The only thing I can compare driving during rush hour to is a fight to the death. You really do have to be an agressive driver to make it down here. Every move you make must be calculated and swiftly executed. Otherwise, you will be desroyed and your remains scattered around for the wild beasts to feed upon.

Lastly, I miss my family like the dickens. They are my best friends. They are the people I confide in and feel the most comfortable around. There have been a bajillion times over the past week where I have thought I should just go home. It would be so easy. But I cannot. I have worked too hard for this and it is something I do want. I know myself and know that I am all about being in my comfort zone. Fortunately my family knows this as well and they have been such a huge support. I am grateful that I can call them and talk with them when I do need a pep talk. I am grateful for the texts I receive from my mom telling me that she loves me. I am here to create a life for myself and to face my fears head on. My mission president, President Steimle, said that when we are comfortable, we are not growing. I want to grow. I need to grow. I am growing. I really believe that the Lord has something great in store for me. I just need to push forward so that whatever that something is will become more and more apparent.

Allies

2010-01-25T22:56:00.000-07:00

I am writing this real quick because I am exhuasted. I currently do not have internet access and am writing this blog originally onto "notepad" as I do not have microsoft word loaded on my laptop. Once I have internet I'll cut and paste this onto my blog. Today, I was able to spend time with my aunt mimi. She spent the day with me, feeding me, showing me around LA, and giving me great advice. I had not seen Mimi in a very long time so it was nice to spend time with her. As the day was going on, I could feel myself getting more and more overwhelmed. I could not help but think to myself, "what have I done?!" After getting some hot chocolate with Mimi, she brought me back to the chapel in Santa Monica where my car had been parked all day. I went to the ward's Family Home Evening which I'll be honest wasnt super exciting but I think a lot of that has to do with my current state of being overwhelmed. FHE was great though because it gave me a chance to get to know more people in the ward and to talk briefly with Brother Stone, the second counselor in the bishopric. That is basically a chronology of the days events
but now I would like to mention a few specific things that I feel so grateful for.

Since I have been here, I have really seen the hand of the Lord in my day to day life. As i mentioned in my previous blog, I have seen my path prepared before me. Today not only showed me further preparation of my path but also the fact that I have more allies than I could have imagined. With news of my move being posted on facebook and my most recent blog I have been contacted by multiple people offering a place to stay while I look for a permanant residence. One of those was a friend of mine named Kirsten who I know through my Cousins Tanner and Megan. She lives in LA and sent me a message letting me know that I could set up in her living room and sleep on her couch until I found a place. After hearing this, not only was i hugely grateful, I felt some relief knowing that I would not need to pay for a motel if i was in a bad spot. Next, I got a call today from my friend Janae. She told me that I was welcome to stay with her parents who live in Glendora. Janae's mom even called me on my cell phone later tonight to let me know that I am welcome to stay with them and to join them for meals. I was again so appreciative of this offer. Next, My aunt Mimi let me know that the people she is staying with while her apartment is getting set up offered to let me stay in their extra bedroom. This is a couple that I don't even know, allowing me to come into their home so that I have a place to sleep.

I feel blessed. I feel loved. I feel so much gratitude. All I can say is forgive me mine unbelief. I need to repent for being such a stress case and worrying that I won't find a place to live. I know that everything will fall into place. I am doing all I can and I see the Lord blessing me. I cannot help but be touched by the kindness of people.

The Path Prepared

2010-01-24T21:13:00.003-07:00

In my preparations to come to LA I prayed a lot that my path might be prepared before me. And now that I am here, I am seeing that prepared path. When I first arrived to Santa Monica, I was completely lost. I needed to find a motel but had no idea where I was. I called my brother Cooper and asked him to look up the address for the nearest Motel 6. Now with an address, I needed to figure out how to get there. So after driving around the city of Santa Monica for about 20 minutes, I finally found a gas station. I thought If I bought a map, i'd be able to figure out where i needed to go. I asked the guy at the counter if they had maps, he showed me where they were and then asked, "where are you trying to go?" I told him the city and that I was trying to get to a motel. "Motel 6? he asked." He then gave me step by step instructions on how to get there. The nearest Motel 6 was in Inglewood so he told me which freeways to take, the exits and everything. I was so appreciative. Because of that man, I went from feeling hopeless and frustrated to pulling into the motel and finally being able to lay down and get some sleep.

Today, at church, I went in and tried to track down someone from the bishopric so that I could tell them who I was and my situation (not having housing or a job). As I was standing there alone, I was approached by a guy who introduced himself. He asked me who I was and it turned out he was the second counselor in the bishipric. He took me and introduced me to the Bishop. They then got me set up with the employment and housing specialists who are now helping me to find housing and a job. I am very excited. Plus, the ward was incredible. I was so impressed by how I felt there and the Bishop was amazing. I am very excited about this ward. People seemed very friendly as I had multple people come up and introduce themselves.

I am grateful for these small things that I believe are preparations made by my Heavenly Father. I know he knows me and knows what I am going through and that is a great comfort.

Tomorrow I am going to focus on finding somewhere to live. I really need to find something asap.

A Much Needed Omen

2009-11-24T00:04:00.003-07:00

Lately, I have felt somewhat discouraged and impatient. I feel exhausted with my current situation yada yada yada. I have been thinking to myself a lot lately that I could really use what I call an omen (The Alchemist reference) which is basically some sort of sign that will give me the energy to push forward. A couple days ago I got that much needed omen. One of the predicaments that I had been really worried about is what I would do about my medicine (happy pills) when I move to California. I was worried because I am uninsured and unable to afford to buy the medicine I need. While I was at BYU I was able to get my meds for free through this special program they had which was oh so nice but ever since I graduated from BYU I have just been mooching from my dad's meds. Well, a couple days ago I got a call from "Joan" the BYU Health Center lady informing me that she has 4 months worth of my Cymbalta waiting in her office for me. I was like, "saaaaay whaaaaaaaaat?" So I called her and told her that I had graduated and that when I had tried to make an appointment back in April to submit another request for more medicine I was told by the front desk that I was not allowed to since I had just graduated. She just said, "oh, that's ok, you can still come pick it up." So today, I went and picked up the medicine. I have four months worth of Cymbalta which I can actually get away with taking a pill every other day if need be, meaning that I can make this last for 8 months. It's not a permanant fix to my med situation but it will cover me till maybe I can afford to get insurance. I feel really blessed and grateful for this omen. FOLLOW THE OMENS!!!

I do

2009-11-22T22:06:00.003-07:00

It's starting to get really cold and I don't like it. It also is getting dark at around 5:00 and I don't like that either.

This I like.

Thats a wrap

2009-11-01T20:45:00.002-07:00

The statement, "I have a lot on my mind" kinda makes me chuckle because really, who doesn't have a lot on their mind? Life is full of responsibilities, trials, bull crap, and really beautiful things that constantly occupy every nook and cranny of our skulls. What becomes problematic is when the trials and bull crap move beyond occupation to preoccupation. Preoccupation is defined as, "to absorb or engross to the exclusion of other things." When we become preoccupied, the beauties of life are excluded and hidden away from view. So as to organize my thoughts and perhaps to make room for the currently excluded things, I want to lay out my current preoccupations and then shine light onto the beauties of my life.

I have really gotten to a point in my current job where I know what I am doing and I have settled into a routine. However, as nice as it is to be "comfortable" in knowing what to do and how to do it, my disdain for my job is still quite strong. That probably sounds more negative than I mean it to. I am really grateful to be employed and to be doing well at my job, but it is so mentally taxing to do something you hate so much for such a large amount of time. What makes it even more difficult for me is the fact that my shift is from 11:00 to 8:00. Its right in the middle of the day so currently it's as if my day only consists of work. Fortunately, and i feel really blessed to be able to say this, I was offered an earlier shift. My bosses boss came to me with the offer and I think he was surprised at how I responded.

"Cody, would you ever be interested in working an earlier shift?"

"(with desperation in my voice, almost beggingly) YES! PLEASE?"

So they are working on getting me into the early shift which should be set in place in about a week. I'll come into work at 9 and get out at 6. I cannot tell you how grateful I am about that. I really think that will make my job more bearable. I'll have time after work to go to the gym, get things done I need to, etc.

One huge blessing of my job is my supervisor. He is newer to his position as a supervisor so he knows what its like to be on the phones. When he became my supervisor he made it very clear to all on his team that he wanted us to be totally honest with him and that we can voice concerns or feelings to him without fear of being judged. We have spoken a lot about our jobs and after seeing that we are very much on the same page I voiced my feelings to him. He knows how difficult it is for me to be there. Its so nice to feel heard and to know that he gets where I am coming from. He is aware of my plans to leave to Los Angeles and it was him that brought to my attention the very generous bonus the company gives out for Christmas which lead to the postponing of my departure.

I will be leaving for California after Christmas. The large Christmas bonus, plus spending time with my brother Cooper for his last Christmas before leaving on his mission are the main reasons I decided to again push back my plan to move to California. I am still very much committed to that move. I get giddy just talking about it. At the same time, I must admit I am terrified. Its a big deal and a huge change. Those that know me well know that I do not like change. I am very much a creature of habit. But that is the beauty of this move. It is going to be an adventure. Whenever I think of my move and the giddiness and fear that accompany those thoughts, I cannot help but think of the young shepherd Santiago from the book the Alchemist. I have faith that I am meant to have an incredible life and to find my life's legend, whatever it may be. I've said it before but if you have not read that book, please do. It really has effected my life greatly. I am so grateful to my wonderful cousin Bri for recommending it to me.

Just mentioning my cousin Bri in that last sentence has choked me up and I am typing through tears. I think so highly of her and her husband Dan. They have endured a terrible thing recently and have endured it so well. They are spiritual giants and are such examples to me of how to live life well. I want to have what they have one day and that is a household of faith and love.

I feel so much gratitude for the sealing power of the priesthood. I love thinking about eternal families and being sealed. It extends far beyond thousands of sealed family units but rather to one giant family. God's family.

My family means the world to me. My parents and my siblings are some of the strongest roots that keep me standing in the wind.

There were a few other "preoccupations" I wanted to make mention of, but I don't need to anymore. This post has served its purpose. I feel so much love and gratitude. This past week I went through one of my many "oh wretched man that I am" phases. Whenever I go through those I will read 2 Nephi 4. There's a scripture that mentions that through sin we allow Satan to destroy our peace. Later, Nephi pleads with the Lord to wrap him in his robe of righteousness. I love this chapter and i love the visual i get from those two contrasting verses. When I get bogged down with preoccupations it never ceases to amaze me how willing the Lord is to wrap me in his robe of righteousness. And let me tell you, its a really soft and warm robe. I love the Lord.

Miracles

2009-08-22T00:06:00.008-06:00

It was brought to my attention by a very good friend of mine that i was past due for a blog update. I could not agree more. Especially given the very bleak tone of my last update. I must first mention that there is an incredibly cool, bright green Praying Mantis sitting out on my porch. I noticed him when i let Annie out to go pee. We spoke briefly but i did not want to keep him as he was engaged in hunting.

I will now commence the updating process. I finally got a car! Man alive, can i tell you how nice it is to have a car again?! It is really nice to have a car again... Even nicer is the incredible deal i got. It is a 99 Mitsubishi Galant that had been traded in to the dealership my brother AJ works for by an older gentleman that had bought it with 11 miles on it. He had taken such good care of it. The interior is flawless, it rides like a dream and will be a reliable vehicle for sure. The dealership was going to put it up for sale for about $4500 but AJ was able to wholesale it to me for $2000. Can you believe that?! It is such a blessing to have found this car and to have gotten such an incredible deal. I feel so grateful. I am still working on naming her so I'll keep you posted on that. Naming my cars is something i take much pride in.

As many of you know, I have a job that I hate with a burning passion but i must tell you how huge a blessing it is to have it. I am making good money and have been able to pay off a lot of debt. My intention now is to pay off my car as fast as i can. Once i have it paid off, i will feel comfortable heading to California. I am thinking I'll be able to head out there in late October which i am thrilled about.

Every night when i pray, i pray for miracles in regards to certain things in my life and I am seeing miracles. Finding a job after searching unsuccessfully for three months is one of those miracles. Having the means to pay off debt is one of those miracles. Finding a good car for a low price is one of those miracles. I cant help but think about the book the Alchemist when Santiago is admonished to "follow the omens." I know what i want and am trying so hard to get to it. While at times i get impatient with what i see as being slow progress, I cannot ignore the omens that tell me i am on the right path. I thank my Heavenly Father for those omens and I seek his forgiveness for my impatience. I look forward to and have faith that the other miracles i pray for will come to fruition in my life.

Ellipse

2009-08-21T00:09:00.001-06:00

Imogen Heap's new CD comes out in the US on the 25th. I have already pre ordered it and am stoked beyond measure. Have a listen to it right here.

Yikes

2009-07-28T01:34:00.003-06:00

I tend to feel better when I write about my feelings. The past month has been one of the hardest I have had in a long time. It has been a long time since I have struggled in the way I am struggling now. I thought I had figured out how to keep this aspect of my psyche in control. I feel consumed with hopelessness, self hate, anger, and disdain. I feel as if I am in quicksand and that no matter how hard I try, my efforts only lead to being sucked down. I know that this blog is beyond dramatic and I dont mean it to be and I dont write it in search of pity or sympathy. I really want to express how much I love my Heavenly Father. I feel bad because feeling the way i am feeling makes me feel ungrateful but I know He is my constant and I have really been seeking to rely upon Him through this low point. Peace is such a luxury that I currently do not feel often. However, all I have to do is pray and that peace comes. Needless to say, I have been praying a lot. And dont get me started on the scriptures. I have been reading 2 Nephi 4 a lot and I love the feelings I feel when i read it. I cant help but read it in a prayerful way, longing for what Nephi himself sought. The feelings i feel when i read it give me the strength to keep pushing forward even when my mind says my efforts are worthless. I love my parents. They are such a support to me and I am tearing up just thinking about them. Last night I kinda had a melt down and they were so helpful. I know that I will be ok, and that I will get through these feelings. I am just so grateful for the support i receive from incredible parents, loving siblings and a Father in Heaven and a Savior who know me so well and love me.

2 Nephi 4

2009-07-20T01:52:00.002-06:00

I read this tonight and wanted to share this last half of chapter 4. It's so beautifully written and is very much how I am feeling right now (dont read too much into the sin part).

17 Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.
18 I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.
19 And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.
20 My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.
21 He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.
22 He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.
23 Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the night-time.
24 And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.
25 And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.
26 O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?
27 And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?
28 Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.
29 Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.
30 Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.
31 O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?
32 May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!
33 O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way—but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.
34 O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.
35 Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.

27

2009-07-16T19:25:00.004-06:00

I am now 27 years old. My birthday is the 10th but i celebrated it on the 11th because it was a Saturday. I had been dying to go to the planetarium in SLC so I decided we would go up for that and then do lunch and some shopping at the Gateway. At 1:00 I met up with Rachel, Cara, Clarence, Robert and Lanie at the Planetarium. We saw "Ultimate Universe" which was very fascinating. It was about the formation of the universe and the planets of the solar system. That was about a half hour long and afterward, we were joined by Aric and Michael who weren't able to be there at 1:30. So the 8 of us then enjoyed a DELICIOUS lunch at the Red Rock Brewery. I had a stake that was amazing. It was topped with onions and this butter stuff. I could definitely eat there again. After lunch, we made our way to The Gateway where we enjoyed some Ben & Jerry's ice cream and did some shopping. Shopping at the Gateway is always fun. There are some really great stores there and like I told Aric and Rach, its probably a good thing i have no money because I'd be dropping money on all sorts of stuff. I ended up getting some fun stuff from my friends including an iTunes gift card, butterfingers (my fave), and a two-month membership to Netflix. The best gift though, in all honesty, was having those people there. I had not seen a lot of them in awhile. I had not seen Robert in Lanie in a really long time and as a young married couple going to school i know money is tight for them, so for them to come and play like that meant SO MUCH. It was such a great day. Thanks guys.

I need to mention that I am grateful to my Heavenly Father. He continues to bless me with experiences that show me my move to California is not only "ok" with him, but a necessity.

I have now been working at my new job for about a week and a half. I am so grateful to have a job. It was so hard finding one so i cant help but feel appreciative. The pay is good so i am taking advantage and trying to save up money. Now that i have established my gratitude, I will admit I hate my job. It is tedious and annoying and I just don't do well with that sort of job. I have a really hard time being there. It messes with my head. At times I feel like I'm going to explode but I must stay the course and stick with it.

My family means so much to me. I have the greatest parents and siblings. They are my best friends. They would do anything for me, each and every one of them. They are all my greatest fans and over the past week I have needed fans and I love them for being there.

Crazy-go-nuts

2009-07-02T13:16:00.003-06:00

It has been awhile, so i will make brief mention of noteworthy events...

Caitlin's wedding: It was a beautiful day and Caitlin was gorgeous. I am truly happy for her and Travis. Their sealing was one of the most amazing and surreal i have been to. The sealer said things i have never heard said by a sealer. It was uncanny. Caitlin and Travis have a very bright future ahead of them.

Fleetwood Mac Concert: Incredible. I cannot describe the joy i felt being in the presence of a band that has meant so much to me for so long. They were incredible. Stevie Nicks and Lindsey Buckingham are worthy of idolatrous worship. hah! Cooper took a video on his cell phone so I'll post that as soon as i can.

Zach's baptism: I have to say that Zach's baptism was incredible. We had to hold it in the chapel because the primary room, where the font is located, could not hold the amount of people that showed up. The whole middle section of the chapel was full. There was such a special spirit there and it was so neat to have all of Zach's brothers perform the different ordinances. Cooper baptized him, A.J. confirmed him and I gave him the Aaronic Priesthood. Cait and I spoke, my cousin Megan sang, and my dad was asked by the Bishop to share his testimony. It was a powerful evening that left people in awe. So many people commented on how it was the best baptismal service they had attended. There were so many tears shed by the hordes of people present. It was one of those events that you just knew God was well pleased because you could feel it.

I got a job: I start in a week and I am so grateful. It's full time which I am really happy about so I am hoping to make some good money in preparation for my move to California. I am feeling so much opposition in regards to this whole thing. I feel truly stressed and fearful about starting this new job. I know that naturally starting a new job is stressful but i cant think about it without getting nauseous. It's so strange because i also feel so blessed and grateful because of how difficult it has been to find a job but i cant shake these feelings. I do recognize the source of the feelings (Satan) which allows me to push through the fear and continue moving forward. So, anyhow, as far as the job goes, its with a company called Security Metrics and it is a sales position. Base pay is $8 an hour but with commission the average person makes about $14 an hour. I would love to find a second job that would allow me to work nights for just a couple hours. Maybe delivering pizzas or something. We'll see.

My Back is jacked: So annoying. At Lake Powell I ate my crap water skiing and messed up my back. At the time, the pain was all muscular. However, since then, the true damage done by my fall has revealed itself. I have been experiencing lower back pain, pain in my butt, and my left leg. I finally found a Chiropractor that deals with people that don't have insurance and he worked me over. However, he said that i have multiple pinched nerves, unnatural curvature in my spine due to compensating for pain, and that my pelvis is crooked, causing my left leg to hang lower than my right which puts strain on my leg, thus the leg pain. He told me he didnt want me to do anything physical. "What about exercise?" i aked pleadingly. "For now, no. Not until you're pain free." This has been especially hard because much of my mental state relies on being able to exercise. Needless to say, I am going crazy right now.

Peace

2009-05-31T22:47:00.004-06:00

Today was a great day at church. I spent a lot of sacrament meeting studying the book of Ephesians. I LOVE the book of Ephesians. I think it is my favorite book in the bible. The purpose of this blog though is what happened prior to starting my study of Ephesians. I was pondering a lot on my life as it is at this point. I am currently working towards accomplishing my goal of moving down to Southern California. However, my efforts have been riddled with hang up after hang up. I've continued to push forward no matter how difficult and slow the progress. Over the last few days I have wondered to myself if it was possible that things have been this difficult for a reason. I started to doubt in the feelings I had felt when I had originally prayed about moving to California. Sitting there I decided to pull out my scriptures with the hope that they would somehow enlighten me in regards to my current feelings. I've heard of many people who have opened the scriptures and there magically was an answer to their prayer or what not. I had never experienced such a thing until today. I opened my scriptures and read the first verse my eyes landed on. It was Doctrine and Covenants Section 6:22 followed by verse 23 which read,

22 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might know concerning the truth of these things.
23 Did I not speak peace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater witness can you have than from God?

After I read that, I had to smile. I was being chastised because of my doubt, but chastised in an encouraging way. I feel a renewed devotion and excitement in regards to moving to California. I really think that I am currently experiencing a trial of faith and that as I continue to work towards my goal, the blessings will come and success will be mine.

Pictures

2009-05-13T18:53:00.004-06:00

My last post was about my Japanese Maple. Here it is in all it's glory. Look how beautiful and richly colored the leaves are!

Precious Annie with my tree.

Japanese Maple

2009-05-13T10:13:00.004-06:00

Last year our neighbors were about to tear up their backyard to redo it. Prior to this, they had stopped watering it because there was nothing in it that they thought was worth saving. I was outside and noticed in their backyard a smaller Japanese Maple which is one of my absolute favorite trees. I think they are so pretty in the spring and summer. So I see this little Japanese Maple that looked pretty bad. It was apparent that it was on it's way out. Hot Utah days without water had signed this little tree's death warrant. I asked my mom, who is aquainted with the neighbors, if she thought they would allow me to come dig up their Japanese Maple so I could save it. My mom spoke with the neighbors and they said if i wanted it i could have it because they were just going to bulldoze it all anyhow. So, having received permission, I went with my shovel and began to dig up the tree. It was actually very difficult digging up the tree as it had deep roots. Finally freeing the tree of its long time plot of land, I took it home and pruned it down, getting rid of the dead branches. I then planted it in a large half barrel planter and added some Miracle grow anti shock formula. Even with the anti shock formula, it was apparent that the move was very hard on my little tree. It immediately lost the few leaves it did have. I really was not sure if my little tree had the strength to survive, especially with winter on its way. Winter came and I decided that I would move my tree into the garage to protect it from the snow and cold. I just didnt think my tree would be able to handle it. So there it sat in the garage for the duration of the winter months. I placed a plastic trash bag over it to further protect it from the cold and throughout the winter I would occasionally water it. At the beginning of this last April, I moved my little tree out of the garage and onto the back patio. I noticed that on the branches, little nubs were starting to develop. I was so hopeful that my tree had made it through its trial and over the past month and a half it has become so apparent that it has. You should see it now. My little tree is so happy. It's leaves are beautiful. I am so pleased.

Update

2009-05-10T12:54:00.004-06:00

It's Sunday and I am sitting at home because I feel like crap. I hate missing anything because of sickness, especially church. The thing is that I don't think I'm actually sick, I'm pretty sure it's just allergies but I feel like dying. My throat is raw from the post nasal drip caused by my bodies constant creation of phlegm, my sinuses feel like they are going to explode, again because of my bodies constant creation of phlegm. Pollen levels are ridiculously high right now in Utah county. When I walk outside I can physically feel the pollen in the air. It's like hitting a brick wall. I've been taking claritin but i dont think it is any match for the current pollen levels. So, while I am out of commission, sitting here in my living room, watching whale wars re-runs I have decided I should blog. There have been so many blog worthy events in my life in the past month or so but because of a lack of time I have not documented them. So here we go...

Graduation

On April 23rd and 24th I graduated from BYU with a bachelor of Science degree in Psychology. I was just happy to finally be done and really could not have cared less whether I actually walked in the graduation ceremony or not. However, my Mom and Dad said that I should, so I did, and could not be happier about doing so. It was such a special experience to be sitting there amongst all the other graduates, and to hear President Uchdorf and Elder Nelson speak. The whole experience really put into perspective just what a big deal graduating was, and what it was I had accomplished. My annoyance with school in general and BYU specifically all melted away. At the Convocation Ceremony, where I actually walked on stage while my name was read out loud and shook the hand of not only the dean of my college but Elder Christofferson of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles, I could not help but smile and get a little choked up. It was a beautiful experience that I will alway remember because of the spirit I felt. My journey to achieving my degree has been a long and difficult one, but I did it.

Fleetwood Mac Concert

In a past blog, I mentioned the fact that I had purchased tickets for the Fleetwood Mac concert in Las Vegas. About a week ago, I found out that they had added a show in Salt Lake City to their tour. I looked at my tickets and saw that there were "no returns or exchanges" but decided to still call and see if it was possible to somehow get tickets for the Salt Lake show in stead. I called ticketmaster and explained that I had bought the tickets before they added the Salt Lake show and they understood and agreed to allow me to return the Las Vegas tickets. That's a huge blessing because I wont have to spend money on the travel to Vegas. I was excited to go to Vegas and to stay with Ashley and Jake and their kids, which was such a nice offer but this is for the better considering my financial situation. So, June 4th, I will be attending the Fleetwood Mac concert at the Energy Solutions Arena. WOOT!!!

As You Like It

If you can believe it, there are only two weeks left in the run of the play I am in. It's kinda sad to be honest. I love my cast mates, and the show is an absolute blast. The feeling of being on stage is an exhilarating one but I know I will have many opportunities in the future to experience that feeling.

The Job Front

One of the effects of the economy that is very apparent to me right now is the difficulty I have had in finding a job. It has been very difficult. I have applied to many places. I even had an interview with Nuskin, a company I have worked for in the past. There were more than 30 other people present for interviews. Friday, I received an e-mail stating the position had been filled. *sigh* I have to find something so that I can fund my move to California. I have started to look for jobs in California because at this point, I am open to using my credit to make the move if it means I have a job waiting for me. Tomorrow I will visit as many restaurants as I can in search of a serving job. I'll keep you posted on any developments. If you're at all a praying person, any mention of my situation would be much appreciated. I really feel awful for the thousands of people that are unemployed and actually have families they are trying to provide for. Yeah my situation sucks but there are many that are in worse situations.

P90X

I'm a fit guy. I take care of my body, I watch what I eat, and I exercise regularly. For about the past year I have been at a plateau as far as my body goes and knew that i needed to figure out a way to change things up. I have been aware of the importance of what is called muscle confusion but have not been successful in keeping my muscles confused i guess. Well, I heard about the P90X program which I am sure everyone has heard of. It's whole premise is muscle confusion. Hearing that, I was sold and knew I wanted to give it a go. I found a set of the P90X DVDs on ebay for $48 and made the purchase. I have now been going at it for a week and a half and it is amazing. It kicks my butt every day. I am not one that sweats very easily and I am always sopping wet after my daily DVD. It will be interesting to see what kind of effect P90X will have on my body. Of all the DVDs my absolute favorite is the Kenpo Karate. It is super fun, and I was incredibly sore the next day. I am very much a masochist when it comes to being sore from exercise so this last week and a half has been very...pleasurable.

Caitlin's wedding

My sister's wedding is fast approaching. I am so happy for her. I have never seen her so happy. She is so beautiful and I am thrilled to see her in her wedding dress. I will admit I am kinda sad that she will be under the watch of another man. She's my sister and I have always been very protective of her. However, if I had to relinquish my watch to anyone, Travis is definitely fit for the job. This coming Friday we will be going to the Temple with Caitlin to be endowed. I am thrilled for her because I know that she's the type of person that is SO PREPARED for the temple and will LOVE it.

And For Good Measure

It is of the utmost importance that readers of my blog understand that Crotch Rockets are not cool. Every spring, when the weather begins to warm up here in Utah, all these Crotch Rocketeer douche bags come out of the wood work, wearing their matching leather jacket and pants. They drive around in packs and think they're really cool. Little do they know, they're not.

Finally

2009-04-22T23:32:00.002-06:00

Today I took my last final and it felt so good to do so. It was the final for my Sex and Gender class which is a class that gave me a real run for my money this semester. To tell you the truth, I would have been happy with a D on this final because it would have been enough for me to get the required C i needed for the class. I studied quite a bit for it and it was such a wonderful feeling to go through the test and know that my studying had payed off. I ended up getting a 90% so i feel as though i went out with a bang. After I took the final, I had some things i needed to get done on campus. I dropped off a final assignment for another class, dropped off my speedo since i will no longer be working as an art model, picked up my copy of BYUs prelaw review which bears my name as an editor, and picked up my graduation gown, hat and tassel. It was kinda surreal picking up that stuff. The whole fact I am graduating is surreal. After all that stuff was taken care of, I went and spent an hour and a half at the State Hospital with my kids.

Röyksopp Junior

2009-04-15T17:27:00.004-06:00

March 21st I bought the latest CD from one of my favorite bands, Röyksopp. I have been listening to it non-stop since then. I love it. Everyone should purchase it. Well, at least give it a listen on iTunes. Its definitely different so it might not be everyone's cup of tea.

Go Figure

2009-04-12T20:40:00.004-06:00

I've never ever wanted a motorcycle until now.

I want a 2009 Moto Guzzi V7 Classic. This is one of the coolest motorcycles I've seen. I love its vintage Italian look.

Asset or Liability

2009-04-10T15:04:00.005-06:00

It has been a little while since my last post and i've been wanting to write something but time has not been something i have had much of lately. As many of you know, I've been rehearsing for a play i am in at the Hale Center Theater in Orem called As You Like It. It has been such an incredible experience. I have had an absolute blast. My cast mates are so talented and absolutely hilarious, the production team is amazing, and the director, Chris Clarke, is brilliant. I have not felt so HAPPY in a long time. I hope that doesn't sound more dramatic that it was meant. What i mean is that acting was something that always brought me joy in high school and not having done it for such a long time was like depriving myself of something i needed. So now that i am again doing it, its like the flood gates have been opened allowing that familiar joy to wash over me again. This brings me to something else I've really been thinking about lately. I really regret not participating in theater over the past years. I cant help but feel i missed out on a lot of opportunities. Today i was walking through the HFAC at school and saw that there is a production of an on-stage version of the book The Giver. The Giver is one of my all time favorite books and i would have loved to have been in that. Yet because of my self imposed disconnect from theater I had not a clue that was even being done. It made me sad. That sadness marked the first time I had felt any sadness about my fast approaching graduation from BYU. As i left the HFAC and started the long walk to the parking lot, i thought about my regret of not acting over the past 6 years. As i was doing so i also thought about how the past 6 years could have been the catalyst i needed to get me to the point im at now. The two years where i was in the depths of depression are years i look at with disdain but at the same time i know they really rattled my cage and shaped me into what i am now. Perhaps in the future I'll get to the point where i see the past 6 years as valuable to my acting craft.

On a lighter note I can no longer remain silent. Please, please, just say no to embellished jeans! Especially the ones with envelope pockets. They are the douche bag badge of courage. I cannot stress this enough. They're everywhere. So much so that i think i've strained my ocular muscles from the involuntary roll of my eyes that happens when i see embellished envelope pocketed jeans.

Lazarus

2009-03-19T00:11:00.002-06:00

Let me tell you about my iPod. I bought it 5 years ago and it has been one of my prized possessions ever since. My love for my iPod has grown with the years because of how old it has become and how reliable it has remained. A few days ago I was getting out of my car and i dropped my beloved iPod. I panicked but was relieved to find that it was still in working order and the screen had not been broken. However, the next day when my iPod was low on battery power, i plugged it in to my car charger and nothing happened. It wouldnt charge. It died and so i tried to plug it into my charger at home. Nothing. I was distraught. My beloved iPod, who had given me so many years of faithful service was dead. I determined that when i had dropped it, the connection between the battery and the slot you enter the charger into must have been compromised. NO NO NO! THIS CAN'T BE! I decided i would pull apart my iPod and see if there was anything i could see that could be reconnected or whatever. But nothing. I pushed around some wires and decided to try plugging in the charger again but nothing happened. So i accepted the fact that my iPod must surely be dead. I spent the next day grieving as i had to drive around with no source of music but the CD player in my car. Two days after it's initial death, I decided to go down to the basement where my disassembled iPod sat. I looked at his aged exterior and his vacant screen. I thought to myself, "I can't believe this!" I felt as if i had lost a good friend. Then i thought, "one more time." I decided to try attaching it to the charger one last time. I slipped the charger into my iPod's charge slot. To my complete shock and amazement, the familiar sound of my iPod starting up sounded the return of the spark of life. Not only did the insertion of the charger start the charging process but it caused my iPod to come on. The screen of my iPod glowed as if to say, "Cody, I am still here." I was so overjoyed. I set my iPod down, still in it's semi-disassembled state so that it could keep charging. Later that evening, I went back down and found it was totally charged. I unplugged the charger and then reassembled my iPod. I clicked the touch wheel and my iPod turned on revealing that all my music and everything was still there. My iPod was just as it had been prior to it's death. It was a miracle. My iPod had taken up it's life again. Today was my first day having my iPod in my car with me again. It was spectacular.

DFGFI

2009-03-16T17:24:00.003-06:00

One of my dreams is to one day be able to donate $10,000 to the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund International. This might seem a bit bizarre but ever since 4th grade I have had a deep love of Gorillas, more specifically the Mountain Gorillas. They have faced incredible adversity and as of now there are less than 650 living today. Dian Fossey started the fund back in the 70s after her favorite gorilla, Digit, was killed by poachers. The fund provides patrols that guard the gorillas. It also funds research and conservation efforts. I know that one day I'll be able to realize my dream and not only donate the money but also visit Virunga National Park and the Karisoke Research Center and to see the gorillas in their natural habitat. Check out this video as well as the website www.gorillafund.org

Quick Trip

2009-03-12T16:39:00.003-06:00

This past weekend I had the opportunity to attend my cousin Luke's wedding. My dad, brother Zach and I drove down Thursday evening and arrived in Atascadero at 4:00am. Friday I was able to spend the day with the Monson family which was an absolute blast. I grew up with the Monson's and they have such a special place in my heart. I really miss being around them and laughing so much. There were many times during the weekend that i was belly laughing. It was great. Friday night I was able to hang out with my best bud Doug. I love that kid. He's such a good guy. We just hung out at his apartment and then went and watched batman with some people from Doug's singles ward. After the movie we went back to Doug's apartment and played some Mario Brothers 3 on his original Nintendo. Saturday was Luke's wedding. It was very small and intimate which i really enjoyed. Im really happy for Luke and his new wife Kayla. Sunday we made the long drive home, emphasis on the word long. Driving home reminded me how beautiful California is and how much i miss the beauty of it. I think most places are have their own unique beauty. Utah has the mountains and red rock but i think im partial to the central coast of California's rolling hills, grasses, and oak trees. And dont forget the ocean!

Rehearsals for "As You Like It" are in full swing now and I'm having an absolute blast. I cant believe I stayed away from theater for so long. Its such a joy to me to be in a cast of talented people and to work with such an incredible production team. I really think this play will turn out very well and will actually be quite hilarious. The show will open on April 16th and will run through May 23rd, so make sure you come out and see it.

Since i was young i have been a very big fan of Fleetwood Mac. They quite honestly blow me away with how incredibly talented they are at writing songs that stand the test of time. I have always told my sister that the next time they went on tour I didnt care what the price was, I had to see them. They're getting old and my life simply would not be complete if I didnt see them play live. So a couple days ago i was on the internet and discovered that the Mac is back! They started a tour this month! Holy Cow! So i found that the closest they'll be playing is in Las Vegas and i bought two tickets! Can i afford them? Absolutely not. But this is something i had to do. You might say it was irresponsible but you dont understand the gravity of the situation. Come May 30th, I and some lucky lady will be in vegas hearing on of the greatest bands of all time and by far my favorite band. It is going to be my graduation present to myself.

Later this month a band that i really like called Röyksopp will be releasing a new CD. Im thrilled about this. I love their sound and their style and i've been jons'n for some new Röyksopp.

The Return

2009-02-28T22:12:00.003-07:00

Yesterday I was riding with my dad in his van when my phone rang. It was a woman from the Hale Center Theater calling to let me know that I was given a part in the play I had auditioned for. I was given the part of Oliver which I am so stoked about. He's kinda a bad guy. Here's the official description of the character.

Oliver
The oldest son of Sir Rowland de Bois and sole inheritor of the de Bois estate. Oliver is a loveless young man who begrudges his brother, Orlando, a gentleman's education. He admits to hating Orlando without cause or reason, and goes to great lengths to ensure Orlando's downfall.

Im excited about this character because he's such a jerk. I think it will be a blast to play such a miserable character.

Its going to happen

2009-02-23T22:59:00.003-07:00

I recently have come up with a few things i would like to do when i have the money to do so. 1) I want to open up an art gallery. Maybe in LA or New York. I think it would be such a cool thing to be able to sell art and help up and coming artists to become more known. I would definitely want the gallery to be very hip with polished cement floors, large white walls, cool furniture and halogen track lighting. I wouldn't run it myself. I'd have a curator or something, but i would still play a very active role in what art we display, the types of shows we'd do, etc.

2) Next, I want to start my own Rally race team. I have always wanted to do rally racing but i dont know that i would do that well at it. So I would hire the best driver i know and that is my brother A.J. His driving skills are unsurpassed and i have always thought he'd make a heck of a rally race car driver. We'd most certainly use a Subaru WRX STI. I'd have to hire a posse of mechanics and probably have some sort of facility where all the team's stuff his stored and worked on. It would be friggen awesome. Watch this video but skip to :45 seconds.

Saturday I auditioned for a play at the Hale Center Theater. I had forgotten the auditions were taking place that day so i had to hurry and try to memorize a Shakespearean sonnet. Unfortunately I was unable to do so in the small amount of time i had. I almost didnt go in to audition but after speaking with my mom decided to go in for the experience. So i went in and i felt like the audition could not have gone any worse. I couldnt remember what i had partially memorized. When i left, i really felt that not only did i not have a chance in heck of being in the play that the people i auditioned in front of were probably laughing at my expense. So i went home and told my mom about it and had a good laugh. I was also a bit disappointed but knew it was my own fault for not giving myself enough time to prepare well. Within a couple hours of getting home my cell phone rang and i didn't recognize the number. I figured it was someone calling me to ask me to teach on Sunday. I didn't answer because I was annoyed thinking to myself, they're calling me on Saturday evening to ask me to teach tomorrow?! So once my cell phone sounded the existence of a new voice mail i listened to it only to be totally dumbfounded. The Hale Center Theater called to tell me they wanted me to come to call backs. Over a hundred people auditioned for the play and only a handful were called back. I feel flattered to just be invited to call backs. Not only was my audition sub par in my mind, but the information sheet they had me fill out which asked what kind of experience i have cannot look very promising to them. I said i did theater all through junior high and high school but that i haven't done anything theatrical in the past 8 years and that im looking to get involved again. I'll let you know how tomorrow goes.

Tonight I had a blast at Rachel's birthday dinner. We went to California Pizza Kitchen and had a delicious salad. We gave Rach her presents and just enjoyed each others company. After dinner we went back to Rachel's apartment and had cake and ice-cream. Knowing i can't eat cake Cara bought some Rocky Road ice-cream for me to eat. I was very appreciative. I love Rocky Road. It was fun to be with everyone that was there. I had not seen a lot of the people there in awhile so it was great catching up.

THE LOVE OF MY LIFE!

2009-02-19T12:35:00.005-07:00

Today is my cousin BriAnn's birthday and she is one of my absolute favorite people. There is no one like Bri. She has such a zest for life and is one of the most fun people you'll meet. At the same time she has a deep love of the gospel of Jesus Christ and is someone i feel completely comfortable talking to about things i talk to few about. BriAnn is a spiritual giant that sets such an example for those around her. I am so grateful for eternal families because it means I have a fun eternity to look forward to. I love and appreciate my cousin Bri.

My precious Bri, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

Fun

2009-02-08T22:37:00.002-07:00

Last weekend I received a phone call from the Director of an Indie film being done here in Utah. I had met him when I auditioned for the movie a few weeks back and he called me to invite me to audition for another film that he is working on. The audition was not an open audition so it felt really good to have him call me and invite me. I went in to audition on Friday evening and I had an absolute blast. I felt like I totally nailed the audition and when I left I was on cloud 9. I don't know whether I'll get the part or not but I am so grateful for the opportunity to just audition. I feel like it was a great opportunity and great practice and preparation for the future. I must say that I hope to be in the film even if its just a small part because the concept is a really cool one. At least I think so. Its going to be a vampire western.

I am really trying to go to as many auditions as possible right now for the sake of experience. Besides the two independent films i've auditioned for, this past Thursday I went to an audition for an energy drink commercial. It was a lot of fun. Later this month I'll be auditioning for the Hale Center Theater's production of William Shakespeare's As You Like It. I'm really excited for that because I have always thought it would be fun to be in a Shakespearean play. I'll keep you updated on what happens.

Something Outrageous

2009-01-25T20:25:00.004-07:00

There is a show on HBO that i absolutely love called Flight of the Conchords. It really is a hilarious show. There is a great episode where one of the guys, Jemaine, does a flawless David Bowie impression which slays me every time i watch it. In a specific episode, a guy named Bret is struggling with his body image and is then visited in dreams by David Bowie who actually looks like his room mate Jemaine. In his dreams, David Bowie gives Bret advice. In the last couple weeks i have come to adopt some of the advice that Bowie gives Bret. Watch this clip.

I think it is so true that it doesn't hurt to do something absolutely outrageous. Fear is of the devil and is meant to impede us from progressing and being happy. I confess that i am a person who has spent much of his time in the past 5 1/2 years paralyzed by fear. Its sad really, and its no one's fault but my own, so to remedy this problem i recently decided to do something absolutely outrageous (see last blog entry). I feel so good about my decision. I want to invite any who read my blog to remember David Bowie's advice that it doesn't hurt to do something absolutely outrageous. Evaluate your life and ask yourself if fear is keeping you from doing something. If the answer is yes, I challenge you to put your fear aside, take courage, and do something absolutely outrageous! What is the worst that could happen? When i made my decision i received mixed reactions, some really positive some not really, but ask me if i care. I'm serious. Ask me. Dont let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do. Break through their false barriers. Oh, the media monkeys and the junket junkies will invite you to the plastic pantomime. THROW THEIR INVITES AWAY!

Digest

2009-01-12T18:03:00.004-07:00

I have been meaning to write this blog now for 3 days but have been very hesitant and unsure of how to write it. Today however, i have decided that I'm just going to lay it all out there without taking into consideration what others might think. As many of you know, I have spent the last two years preparing for law school. I graduate with my BS in psychology this April and had planned to attend law school the following fall. The goal of going to law school has been one that has caused me much anxiety but not for the reasons one might expect.

Now let me tell you about a plague i have been dealing with. I call it a plague jokingly now but that is very much what it was for me from the time i returned home from my mission 5 1/2 years ago up until this past Friday evening. It is something i have desired ever since kindergarten and over the past 5 1/2 years i have attempted with much passion to ignore it and dismiss it as an impossible and far fetched dream not worthy of the time it would take to pursue it.

When i was 5 years old, Ms. Connie, the teaching aid in my kindergarten class, asked me if i would be in the Santa Margarita Elementary School talent show with her, acting out the song "Little Bunny Foo Foo." I was to play the part of Little Bunny Foo Foo and she the part of the Good Fairy. I of course was thrilled to do it and i fell in love with acting. I continued being involved in acting growing up, especially in junior high and high school. After graduating from high school, i took some college classes and then left on my mission.

Returning from my mission the desire to again act came quite quickly. As i stated earlier, over the past 5 1/2 years i have been plagued by my love of acting and my desire to pursue it as a career. I was afraid to tell my parents not knowing how they would react. I was afraid to tell anyone for fear of being thought of as presumptuous or as out of touch with reality. So i told very few people about that love and buried myself in psychology and law. It was awful. A counselor i was seeing a while back named Rex told me that it was the hole in my sails. Meaning that any effort i put towards school and preparing for law school was undermined by my desire to act. My denial of that desire continued up until about a month ago. I had been praying a lot about pursuing a career in acting and whether it was a righteous goal or for help to be able to get over that desire. This was right around the time i was to take the LSAT in December. If you have read my entry entitled LSNOT you know it didn't go well and that i went into it with a very strong spiritual confirmation that it would go the way it needed to go. A couple days later, confused by my LSAT experience, I knew i had to go for it. Still very afraid to tell anyone, i went to my sister and told her how i was feeling. She was so awesome and told me that i needed to go for it and to not let what others might think even be a factor. She was genuinely excited for me and was so encouraging. Since that talk with her i have been actively doing research into what i needed to do to begin pursuing my dream. I was still not totally positive until i read the book The Alchemist for the second time. I am not going to give any details into what the book is about because if you don't know, you need to read it. NOW! It is an incredible book. So i knew I was going to do it but it was still very hard knowing that i had this big plan that i was keeping a secret from so many people. This past Friday i was kinda having a melt down and told my mom i was having a rough time. She decided to take me along with her and my dad to dinner. As we were driving to Chilis my mom was asking me questions because she could tell i was holding back. Finally she asked me if there was something i needed to tell them. It took me five minutes of silence and my mom and dad saying things like, "you can tell us," and "its OK Cody" to gather up the courage to finally say it. They were thrilled. They couldn't believe i was so afraid to tell them. They were so happy for me and supportive and only wish they could help me financially. It was incredible. I was very choked up sitting in Chilis realizing that i had just revealed myself to my parents and that i was met with smiles and excitement.

So there it is. After i graduate in April, and after my sister's wedding in May, I will be moving down to Santa Monica to pursue my dream of having a career in acting. This is a decision many years in the making. I know the HARD HARD HARD road ahead of me as i embark on this endeavor. It is an incredibly difficult and ruthless industry. It will test me beyond measure but like my aunt told me, I have to honor my passion. I am aware that I could possibly achieve no success in this industry but i cannot escape the feeling that i need to go for it. It could be that i get down there and meet the girl of my dreams. It could be that i get down there and get a job that i love. It could be that i get down there and fail miserably but i am OK with that. I will be going down there with a degree. Law school is not going anywhere and will always be an option a few years down. While I wait to head down to LA i have decided that i need to get involved in some local venues. I have recently auditioned for an independent film that is being filmed here in Utah and received a call on Friday asking that i come back for callbacks (a second round of auditions) which I'm excited about. Also, later this month i will be auditioning for a play being put on by the Hale Center Theater. I am absolutely thrilled and feel so much peace about my decision. I cannot begin to explain how liberated i feel to have revealed this to my family and to be revealing it now to those that read my blog.

Golden Girl

2008-12-29T02:36:00.003-07:00

I cant begin to tell you how much I have enjoyed this break from school. Seriously, it has been so nice to be able to sleep, relax and hang out with the family. I will most certainly be sad to start school up again but it will be comforting to know that i'll be starting my last semester at BYU. WOOHOO! The only down side to this break has been the fact that i have been eating like crap. I have been eating candy, chocolate and all the other holiday goodies that normally would not be a temptation for me.

A couple weeks ago my parents switched their television service from cable to satellite because they found they would be saving $30 a month by doing so. The killer part of the deal to me is the fact that they got a free DVR. So what i am saying is that my family has finally entered the 21st century. I cannot begin to explain what a joy DVR is. I have it all programmed to record my favorite shows such as, Life, The Soup, Star Trek, Paranormal State, Psychic Kids, and several more. Tonight i spent some time watching the most recent recordings of my favorite shows and being able to fast forward through commercials is something else.

I need a job. I will continue working for the BYU art department as an art model but i want a second job so that i can make some more money and start paying off some debts and saving for the future. I have given much thought to what type of job i would like and delivering pizza is really high on my list. I just think it would be really nice to be able to work in my car and i hear you make good money from tips and what not. I also could get a job as a server at Pizza factory because my mom is good friends with the people that own it so that connection is really nice. I have been trying to think of other ideas. The bottom line is i want a job that is going to be low stress (kinda why i am not so sure about being a server) but also with the potential to make ok money. This coming semester will be great for having a job because almost all my classes will be on tuesday and thursday leaving monday, wednesday and Friday pretty much wide open.

For Christmas we got my dog Annie a dog bed. She absolutely loves it, and with good reason. It seriously looks so comfortable. I would love it if they came in people sizes. Anyhow, the reason we got it was that Annie is getting older (she'll turn 12 in February) and so jumping up on the couch where she normally naps has gotten to be a little bit of a chore. Also, from time to time, mainly if she has done a lot of running, she leaks urine. The bed has fixed both those problems because its low to the ground and it keeps the occasional leak off the couch and on her bed which has a removable and machine-washable cover. Yay! It is so funny though because her bed looks like a throne. It is hard to explain but its circular with a sort of arm rest cushion that wraps around half of it. Annie has blankets and they are draped over her bed so it looks like the lounging place of an Arabian princess. I'll try to get some pictures which will illustrate better what i mean. I love my dog and she deserves a nice soft bed as she enters her golden years.

Thanks

2008-12-21T22:39:00.002-07:00

I cannot begin to describe how much i am loving the fact that the semester is over. Over the last couple days i've had multiple moments where my brain does the "crap, what do i need to get done for school?!" thing and it feels so good to realize i dont have anything to get done. woo hoo. I am going to enjoy this next week as well. Christmas is a great time and i am excited to be able to see some family that will be visiting and to spend time with my immediate family.

Christmas tends to be a rough time for my family because of our financial situation. Really i can only speak for myself on the issue but for me it tends to me a painful reminder of how screwed my parents are and i get really angry because they dont deserve to be where they are. I recognize that that is weakness on my part and that i should try and broaden my perspective on the issue but im being honest. One thing i have learned is that i cannot wait for the opportunity to be in a spot where i can help those that are less fortunate. This Christmas two families came to my parents aid in an incredible way. I wont mention names because i doubt their intention for doing so was to get recognition in my blog. One family who we are related to and are very special to me gave my parents $500. When they gave it to my parents they both became very emotional. They used some of that to turn the phone back on so that was a huge blessing. A couple days later, some close friends of my parents stopped by and gave my parents a card in an envelope. They left and my parents opened the envelope and inside was $1000. I could not help but be grateful for good people who love my parents and are willing to give of themselves to help out. I got emotional because i knew how much of a life saver that is to my parents and also because it is one of my biggest desires to have the financial freedom to be able to help others in such a huge way.

This past week i was able to buy some jeans for myself which i have really been needing. I had not mentioned needing jeans to my parents but had wrote about it in my blog. My mom saw that specific blog so when they received the $1000 from the family friend, she gave me some money and told me to go buy myself some jeans. I had no idea buying jeans would be such an ordeal but it appears jeans have gone really douchey these days. Honestly, whats with all the embelished pockets and the envelope pockets. I went to multiple places and did not find anything to my liking. I went into buckle to see what they carried in the way of jeans and that place was like douche jeans central. After hours of searching and trying on i found the coolest jeans at Gap. They are a slim fit straight leg jean that fits really well and looks great and i got them for $42 after getting 15% off with a coupon my mom had for Gap. It felt great to retire my old jeans to the "work clothes" drawer in my dresser. Also, while we're talking about clothes, i had really been wanting a cool scarf but was in awe of the price some places were asking for a rectangular piece of material. Fortunately, the Forever 21 has started carrying mens accessories including scarves. They had a really cool scarf for $10 and my friend Cara had given me a $10 gift card to Forever 21 so the scarf is now mine.

Today at church we had an awesome Christmas musical program during Sacrament meeting. I felt the spirit really strongly and there were a few times where i could feel myself almost get teary eyed. I am grateful for this time of year. I am grateful for my Savior Jesus Christ and for the life he lived and gave up on my behalf.

Tagged

2008-12-16T14:43:00.004-07:00

I've never witnessed this Tag thing but Aric tagged me so im supposed to fill this info out and then tag more people.

8 Favorite T.V. Shows--
1. Lost
2. Family Guy
3. Life
4. Star Trek: The Next Generation
5. Star Trek: Enterprise
6. Firefly
7. Cash Cab
8. Eli Stone

8 Favorite Restaurants--
1. Red Robin
2. Outback
3. F. McLintocks
4. Zupas
5. P.F. Changs
6. Guru's
7. In N Out
8. Chilis

8 Things to Look Forward To--
1. Graduating!!!
2. Being consumed with love for the girl of my dreams.
3. Successful career
4. Financial Freedom
5. Kids
6. Being in a position to start the Olivia Foundation
7. traveling the world (virunga, galapogos, egypt and many more)
8. Being a force for good in the world

8 Things I LOVE about winter--
1. when it ends!!!
2. skiing
3. beautiful mountains
4. Christmas lights
5. hot chocolate
6. vacation between semesters
7. New years
8. throwing snow balls

8 Things on my wishlist-
1. scale that measures body fat percentage
2. white converse shoes
3. New Laptop because my current one died...again
4. be debt free
5. a job for this next semester
6. miracles
7. new jeans
8. for my japanese maple to survive the winter

Now I tag these people:

I wanna tag these great 8:
1. Bri
2. Dan
3. Tanner
4. Janae
5. Caitlin
6. Ashlee
7. Leah
8. Jamie

LSNOT

2008-12-08T00:14:00.003-07:00

December 6th I reported to the BYU Law school at 8:15 to take the LSAT. I felt very calm, cool and collected as I waited for the test to start. The test started and the first two sections went fine. As i began the third section, which happened to be the logical reasoning section, which happens to be the section that is hardest for me, I felt like i needed to sneeze. I could feel that it was going to be a big sneeze so i put my pencil down and covered my mouth and nose. I sneezed once and immediately sneezed again. At this point i think its important to point out that a couple of weeks ago i was sick and for some reason whenever i get over a cold the drainage process tends to be quite intense. So after i sneeze, to my complete horror, both my hands are absolutely COVERED in thick snot. After taking in that fact i then realized there was a thick rope of snot hanging from my right nostril. I panicked. Here I am taking the LSAT, a hugely important test, and i am in the middle of the most difficult section (for me) of the LSAT which definitely required my complete focus and my hands and nose are oozing with snot. I immediately go to wipe the snot hanging from my nose which pulls more snot out of my right nostril. I didn't know what to do! I couldn't get up and leave because this is the LSAT and I didn't have any tissue or anything to wipe my hands and face with. So i began to rub my hands together with the hope that it would dry up the snot but with the amount of snot i had in my hands my attempt was futile. So then i figured i just needed to ignore it and get back to work. I tried to work on the first question when my nose began dripping purely liquid snot onto my test sheet. I tried wiping my nose to stop the dripping but that only spread snot from my hands to my face. You guys, i was mortified. I didnt know what to do and no matter what i did the situation only got worse. Before i knew it the announcement was made that there were only 5 minutes left of the section and i had accomplished nothing but removing all the snot from my face and onto my hands. Fortunately after the 3rd session is when we are given a break. I ran to the bathroom, wiped my hands off with toilet paper, blew my nose, and then washed my hands and forearms. I could not believe what had just happened. I walked back into the testing room and spoke with the workers there and told them i needed to cancel my test. There was no way i could even pull of a mediocre score with totally bombing an entire section. So i filled out the necessary box of info on my test sheet canceling my test and left. Sitting in my car as i was leaving I thought about what had happened and my thoughts immediately went to the prayer i had said the night before. I had prayed for a miracle. I had prayed that i might be pleased with my test score. I also prayed that God's will and not my will would be done. The fascinating thing is that i felt the spirit so strongly during that prayer. I knew that i would be OK with whatever the outcome of the test was and that is why i was as calm, cool and collected as i was in the beginning of the test. Lately I have been really giving a lot of thought about taking a year off before law school and doing some other things during that year. Whether my snot experience was an answer to that prayer or not i don't really know. I just know that because of how i felt during the prayer the night before, everything will be ok. I am still going to stay the course and see what happens. The only thing i can do now is plan for February's LSAT date. The thing that sucks about that is that waiting that long to apply to law school will put me at a disadvantage as most law schools already award the majority of their spots by that time. Like i said though, I am confident that I will be ok, and that this is all part of the plan. By the way, I totally give you permission to laugh at this. It is pretty funny.

Painted

2008-12-04T13:58:00.004-07:00

Yesterday I made a trip up to Salt Lake to go meet up with a girl by the name of Karalee. She is a photographer that i met at Nyles' birthday party. She had asked me if i would like to do a photo shoot with her to which i responded, "of course!" I made my way to her apartment yesterday which by the way was really cool. It was in an older white apartment building. Anyhow, once I was in her apartment she painted my face. It was super cool because once she was done i looked absolutely evil. She used black and grayish. My face was totally covered and then she painted roots going down my neck and onto my chest. When i looked into the mirror i was amazed by the way my face was painted. It reminded me of the orcs on The Lord of the Rings. So then she started taking the pictures of me against a black backdrop. The pictures were mainly right up in my face and then some from more of a distance. As she was taking them she said they were looking good. I didn't get to see them but i am looking forward to seeing them once she has edited them. I have modeled for drawing and sculpting classes but this was my first experience with photography and it was a lot of fun.

Thanksgiving

2008-12-02T12:46:00.002-07:00

Blogging has become somewhat of a chore to be totally honest. It has not always been like that. I think the reason is that I have so much going on right now that blogging has been put on the back burner.

Last week's Thanksgiving vacation was a much needed break from the toils of school. I normally wake up each morning at 6:40 for either school (M,W,F) or work (T,Th) but during the break i slept in most days till 11ish. This was really nice because it allowed me to catch up on sleep and to get over the cold i had been fighting with for about three weeks. Thanksgiving day was spent with my immediate family which was so nice. We had a delicious dinner and it was way low key. We just ate and talked for awhile and then went to a movie. We wanted to see James Bond but it was sold out. So we thought we'd see Australia in stead. However, it too was sold out. So we we settled for Transporter 3. Wow, it was awful. The other two Transporters were good enough. You know, entertaining. This one though made me want to shoot myself in the face. The thing that ruined the entire movie (besides the awful plot) was the actress in the movie. She was absolutely annoying beyond measure. I kept hoping she'd get killed. She was an awful actor and really ugly to boot. There were parts of the movie that felt like they would never end, and then there were parts that were really cool but those were the action parts which do not make up for an awful plot and awful acting. So if anyone is thinking of going to see it, don't waste your money.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving we had another Thanksgiving meal with some relatives. It was really nice and i enjoyed it particularly because my cousin Chelsea and her husband Brett were there. I have seen VERY little of them in the past so it was awesome to spend time with them. They were hilarious.

Now i am back at school. Blah. Its not that big of a deal though. Christmas vacation is just a couple weeks away. I just need to stay strong and finish the semester with a bang. I cant believe that next semester will be my last here at BYU. Im actually really excited about it. I need a change of scenery. Last week i had an epiphany and realized i need to go away. I need to leave the state of Utah. I need to do this because i feel like i am hiding from the world. I go to my parents house and hide out. When i do socialize, its just with my group of friends. I feel really strongly that i need to go somewhere where i will have to rely on myself and sink or swim. I talked about it with my parents and they totally agreed with the logic behind my decision. While they are sad that I will be leaving, I think they know this is something I need to do.

Today I got a B-complex injection in my butt. It didn't hurt too bad. Just the initial poke but i have a pretty high threshold for pain. I am hoping this will give me a boost of energy as well as a boost to my immune system. We shall see.

Clowded

2008-11-24T20:16:00.002-07:00

I have a lot on my mind right now. So much that i dont know where to begin expressing myself. I feel incapable of converting into words everything that is on my mind. Aaaaaah. I am trying not to panic because I know with time the storm in my head will calm down. So thats all I will write tonight. I'm going to the gym.

For the Love...

2008-11-18T11:32:00.002-07:00

I just ate some Swedish fish which i enjoy immensely but in moderation. I am sitting in an empty classroom at school with 2 1/2 hours until my next class. I am exhausted and in so many different ways. I am physically exhausted as i didn't get much sleep last night and had to wake up early for work. I will no doubt take a nap on the couch today after school. My parents couch is incredible for naps. My exhaustion is also of the mental kind. I have found myself lacking in motivation as this semester is winding down. Now more than ever I need to be on my game because the end of the semester always results in teachers packing on the assignments. Yesterday I had stuff i could have done but opted to watch the news instead. I have to confess that I am feeling very burnt out. This clearly worries me but not just because of the possible toll this could take on this semesters grades but because of the implications my burnt out status could have on my future what with my plan of going to law school aka three years of intense academic hell. I have been thinking a lot lately about whether i am up to the challenge of law school but when i think about that i also cant help but think about the fact that by not going to law school i will be a guy with a BS in psychology. La di friggen da! A BS in psychology alone is pretty much worthless. Well that's a bit of an exaggeration. A degree is a degree but you know what i mean. I'm just confused right now.....confused and exhausted.

Letters

2008-11-15T12:17:00.004-07:00

This past week I was able to get my letters of recommendation squared away which I am really happy about. I was worried about one of the sources I was relying upon. I wasnt sure if he knew me well enough to write me a good letter but after i spoke with him i felt really good. He remembered me from the last class i took with him and he was more then happy to write me a letter. It helped too that I got a 95% on my last test in the class I am currently taking from him which he gave back to me at the same time i was asking him for the letter.

I was really sick last week and am still in the getting over it stage. My voice was gone for a few days but I am now able to talk without sounding like some sinister villain. It has been a very long time since I was last sick and to be honest I'm a pansy when it comes to being sick. I hate it. I have determined that I dont handle Utah winters very well. Oh well, the important thing is that I am feeling better and should be totally over this in a few days.

Farewell

2008-11-02T19:51:00.005-07:00

So sad. Halloween came and went far to quickly. Halloween was way fun. Tanner, Janae and I met up with A.J. and Lacey at the UVU dance. It was wicked fun. It took forever to get in so i was in a bad mood at first and thought the night was going to suck but after we got in and started to dance it was really fun. I was also worried about the music because im not a huge hip hop fan but they played some good dance music which i was stoked about. After the dance i came home and removed my Jareth costume, retiring it to my closet for another year. I gotta say that i love that costume and it was very popular again this year. I believe i'll get good use out of that costume for many years to come.

Daylight savings is over. So sad. I love daylight savings. I hate that it gets so dark so quickly. Right now its not even 8 yet but it feels like its 10. I will say that the extra hour of sleep was very nice so we'll make that the silver lining to losing daylight savings.

Yesterday I went outside and looked out over the valley from my parents front yard. It was a beautiful night. The mountains in the distance looked purple in the fading light, the lake reflected the color of the sky and the golden yellow leaves of the assorted deciduous trees all over were very visible. It was really a beautiful scene. I wish i would have taken a picture.

The election is on Tuesday and it appears Obama is going to win. Yikes! Thats all i can say. Yikes!

Phantom appendage

2008-10-28T14:32:00.003-06:00

Today at work I was sitting in an awkward pose and i realized that my left leg had fallen asleep. But this was not like the many other times in my life i've had an appendage fall asleep. Usually it is the result of suffering through a painful pose that is followed by the appendage falling into a slumber. This time my leg skipped the pain part and went strait for the slumber. The odd thing about this specific appendage slumber was that i literally had zero sensation in my leg. After sitting in the pose for about 15 minutes i was given a break. However, standing up proved to be difficult. I used my arms to move my leg over and to then stand up. Even standing, i felt nothing. I did not feel the contact between my foot and the floor. I touched it with my hand a few times, pushing on my skin, but the only feeling that made its way to my brain was the feeling in my hand of touching something that felt like skin. I suppose this isnt all that exciting but i thought it was really cool.

Today was the a beautiful day. It made me think of California in October which made me long for California. I was definitely grateful for this gorgeous sunny day. As i was walking back to my car after school it was beautiful and warm and i had to just smile.

Forgive Us Our Debt

2008-10-27T11:26:00.003-06:00

I know that it has been awhile since I last blogged so I am going to take the time right now to post a blog and give an update on a few different things.

Fred and Wilma as you know laid 4 eggs. About a week ago two of the four hatched. Boy were those little birds ugly. A couple days ago though they both died. I don't know that Fred and Wilma knew what to do or how to take care of them. Its really sad because I'm pretty sure they starved to death. I decided that giving them another chance probably wasn't a good idea. At least not now. I removed their nesting hut much to Fred and Wilma's dismay. They were definitely freaked out for a few days after i removed it. Now though, they are both fine and back to playing with each other. I believe I will put the nesting hut back in to their cage in the spring and give them another chance then.

Last week I had the opportunity to attend a law fair at BYU. I got dressed up in my suit and was all professional looking and visited with many different law school representatives. There were 135 law schools in attendance so it was a really well put together law fair. I cannot tell you how much I want to go to law school in California. I see it being beneficial in so many ways. I know that that is where i want to live and raise my family so i feel like going to law school their would allow for networking opportunities. Also, by attending law school there I think the focus of my classes would be on the laws in California so i think it would be most beneficial for me in preparing to take the California Bar exam. Another reason i would like to attend law school in California is the diversity of the student body of any law school there. Also, to tell you the truth, I just want to be there. However my problem is this. California is so expensive. At the law fair I found out that I would be able to get in state tuition at California schools since i graduated high school in California. Regardless, in state tuition at U.C. Davis is still substantially more expensive than in state tuition at the University of Utah. And don't get me started on living expenses. While this does weigh heavy on my mind i know that i may not have a choice. If i cant get in to the U of U then there really isn't any other option than going somewhere that's going to be expensive. I know what i want and i know that it will require sacrifices to accomplish my goals. If I have to incur a more hefty debt than I would by attending U of U then so be it. My mom works with a lady who has two step sons that went to film school and have a debt of $400,000. So it could be worse right?

Halloween is upon us! I love Halloween! My friends and I have already attended a big Halloween dance which was a lot of fun and there are plenty more Halloween dances taking place this week. I elected to reuse my Jareth the Goblin King costume which i absolutely love. It turned out to be a great costume and it always gets a lot of response from other party goers due to the definite popularity of the movie Labyrinth.

Important

2008-10-17T09:38:00.001-06:00

Trust me

2008-10-15T22:54:00.004-06:00

I love my boys at the State Hospital. It has been such a fun experience. I have really connected with a little boy named Caleb. In the beginning he seemed very angry but in the last few weeks he has really taken to me. He always asks that i be the one to help him. He also always wants me to sit next to him or stand by him. I work with him on his in class assignments and also sit with him during free time when he plays computer games. As he has become very attached to me I have worried somewhat that that might not be ok or that i might cause problems. As we were preparing to end the school day Caleb asked me if i was coming back tomorrow. I reminded him though that they have no school Thursday and Friday. Then he asked, "So you'll be here the next day?" I reminded him that after Friday was the weekend but that i'd be back on Monday. He was clearly disappointed but accepted that fact like a champ. So the kids began to file out of the class room to be taken to the next floor down where their living quarters are and Donna, the teacher, and an absolute saint to boot, said to me privately, "wow, he really likes you Cody, you're his buddy." I then asked her if that was ok and I expressed my worries to which she responded, "Cody, its great! He has some real trust issues so I am very happy with this." It really made me feel good to hear this from Donna and it makes me feel really good to know that I am helping this 7 year old boy. As i was leaving today he asked if i could give him a hug. As much as i would love to we're not allowed so I told him i could give him a high five which seemed acceptable to him.

Conundrum

2008-10-14T23:30:00.003-06:00

So i've been contemplating buying some upgraded boots for my Halloween costume. I found some that would be perfect. They're normally super expensive as they are made of leather but i did a search on google and found them on clearance for $50 on a Sex Toy website. So my question is would it be bad to buy them? Am i funding smut by doing so? Thoughts?

Im Not Half Bad

2008-10-14T21:22:00.006-06:00

This semester I am taking a class called comparative government and politics. Its a cool enough class i guess. Im not a huge fan but whatever. Anyhow, we've just recently started a class project where the class of about 100 students are split up into four groups that represent made up ethnicities. We then will be participating in drafting a constitution for the country we are all part of. Its all very complicated but i'll cut to the chase. So today i met with my ethnicity for the first time. There are about 25 of us. So as we start speaking and trying to figure out who we would appoint as our groups leader this girl spoke up. She was probably the most cynical and abrasive person i've ever witnessed. The rest of the people in the group were in awe of this girl. She was incredibly rude. Her ridiculous behavior ranged from belittling comments to accusations of sexism. As i sat there in awe of what a wench this girl was i looked around and there were people literally with their mouths open clearly just as in awe as I was. A few things went through my mind during this situation. A) Apparently I'm in the same group as the RANCOR (see picture above). B) I pity the man that decides to marry her if she ever gets to that point at all. C) I pray that she doesnt decide to serve as a missionary because i would pity beyond measure her companions and her district and zone leaders. Lastly D) I am not as crotchety as i thought. Sometimes I think I'm too much of a jerk but next to this girl I am a saint. I cant help but wonder if she's aware that her behavior does nothing but make a fool of her.

Call Me Mr. Miagi

2008-10-13T23:35:00.003-06:00

Today was an incredible day for me. I came to some really important conclusions and had incredible realizations about myself after talking with one Dr. Bunn. I will not go into detail because I don't want to but I have felt overjoyed today.
Today i prepared my outside plants for the winter. I have a Japanese Maple that I am nursing back to health. I have him in a large barrel so i got the dolly and wheeled him into the garage where i put a white plastic trash bag over him tying it at the bottom. This will keep him from freezing during the cold Utah winter. I have no doubt that normally he'd be able to deal with the winter but due to his current weakened state i felt the garage was a good idea. I also have three large Canna Lilies that are a favorite of mine. They bloom a really pretty orange flower. We've had them before but the winter killed the bulbs so this winter i decided to dig up the bulbs. So i dug them up and to my amazement these three plants were quite prolific. I seriously have two paper bags full of bulbs. Next year i'll be able to plant about 20 bulbs. I am really excited.

Show Me the Money?

2008-10-07T18:58:00.003-06:00

Today i received a letter in the mail which i opened up to find a check for $54. It said that it was my portion of a settlement in the case of Williams v. LexisNexis. So here's thing thing, I have NO idea why i am getting this check. I have zero clue what the case is about but here i have in my hands a check with my name on it. There is no info in the envelope that clarifies what this whole thing is about. I am dumbfounded. I will say that the money is definitely needed and will help me in my monthly expenses so this is definitely a blessing. Blessings of tithing i suppose.

In other business Wilma laid a fourth egg yesterday. Those rascals.

Its Eggs!

2008-10-05T14:26:00.002-06:00

For those that follow my blog you will be glad to hear that Fred and Wilma are expecting three babies. We saw that Wilma had laid her eggs this morning. Now, a very proud Fred and Wilma are taking their turns keeping the eggs warm. Its very exciting. Fred would like to offer you all a bubble gum cigar. He doesnt do real cigars as he is very devoted to the word of wisdom.

Hello Dave

2008-10-04T14:27:00.002-06:00

Im a big time scifi fan and really enjoy watching some of the pioneering scifi movies like The Day the Earth Stood Still etc. Well i have been wanting to watch 2001: A Space Odyssey so i rented it and watched it finally last night. Can you say bizarre!? Honestly it was so odd and did not seem to really have any cohesion as to what the plot was. There were long sequences of shots of space, spacecraft, and alien landscapes. It was almost as if Stanly Kubrick just wanted to say, look what i can do with a computer! While i am glad i saw it, and i will admit i was impressed with the things Kubrick was able to do in the early 60s. But as a movie or a plot line i was left thinking WTF?

I have been volunteering at the State Hospital with elementary aged kids. I have absolutely loved this experience. It has been so rewarding and a great opportunity to learn. I have really fallen in love with the boys in the class i serve in. They all have been through rough times and have a hard future to look forward to. It has been really neat to become close with them and to see the effect I am having on them. They love me. It feels good to know that. Yesterday I was able to find out that not only do the kids love me but the teachers of the class do as well. While the kids had free time the three teachers told me how much they appreciate me and how highly they think of me. They said they were impressed by my rapport with the kids and my ability to remain calm during the outbursts. Tammy, one of the aids mentioned an outburst by one of the students that took place yesterday. It was the worst one since I've been there but she said she looked over at me and i was standing there with the other kids totally calm. She said she appreciated that. It felt so good to hear this from these three incredible ladies. I am grateful for the chance to serve and learn.

Winter Postponed

2008-10-01T07:59:00.002-06:00

I wanted to write that I feel like my Father in Heaven is blessing me with the weather we're having right now because of the stress that consumes my life currently. Normally by this time it is already cold and ugly but we have still had some summery days these past few weeks. I am not a huge fan of the cold so it has been nice to have the impending winter postponed for a few weeks. The news says that winter will be setting in this weekend though, so I'll be sad to see summer go but I'm grateful the warm weather has lasted this long.
I am very excited though that today is the first day of October. I love the month of October. I love it because of Halloween and all the decorations and events that come with it. Halloween is probably my favorite holiday and I'm looking forward to getting to wear my Jareth the Goblin King costume again.

Thats it?

2008-09-30T09:36:00.002-06:00

I know it has been awhile since I've written a blog but I haven't had a whole lot of time and I'll be honest, I haven't had a whole lot of desire either.

Last night I went with my Mom, my sister Caitlin, and my brother Cooper to The Gateway in Salt Lake. I love that place. It reminds me a lot of California and it is fun to just walk around and to visit the different stores. Cooper and I went into a store i have been to before called Bastille. They have seriously some of the coolest clothes but it is all very high fashion which means very expensive. There was the coolest zip up hooded sweatshirt that i tried on. I cant begin to explain how well it fit me. It fit like a leather glove and it looked GOOD. So i looked at the price tag. Most the big heavy jackets in that store were in the $300 range so i figured since this was a hooded sweatshirt it would be cheaper. Well I could not have been more mistaken. The price tag on that beautiful sweatshirt was $410. I about pooped my pants. After we left that store i thought to myself, "wouldn't it be nice to be able to afford that?" But then that thought was instantly followed by, "even if i could would i want to spend that much money on a sweatshirt?!" The answer is no. My gosh! I cant imagine spending that much money. The only way i could see myself buying that sweatshirt is if i was a Bajillionaire and money was of no concern to me.
Walking away from the store i saw my dream car parked on the street. It was a beautiful Audi S6. It winked at me, so i winked back.

Nothing more

2008-09-15T10:55:00.003-06:00

For my own well being I am writing this blog today. You are more than welcome to read it but I am not asking you to read it.

I am not feeling very well today as far as my mental state goes. The last few days I have felt these waves of pressure on my chest, as if someone was sitting on me. I know that how i am feeling is the result of stress. Actually not as much stress as distress. I feel as though im in a pit. I despise self pity so with the feeling i am experiencing i keep trying to get out of this pit but i feel like i keep falling as i struggle to get out. Today I had class at 8:00am and am currently on campus waiting to attend a meeting i have at 2:30. I sat for awhile on a bench analyzing myself and why I am feeling the way I am. I know that there are three main stressors in my life and i came to the conclusion that i am in need of miracles in my life. I am not talking about the trite use of the word miracle but rather genuine miracles. As i put forth effort in my life I cant help but feel that my efforts are down right pitiful when looked at by themselves. Sitting on that bench I remembered something that my mission president said at our last reunion. He came all the way from Argentina for the reunion so it was a sweet experience to see him and his wife again. President Romero told us that as missionaries we brought to pass miracles in the lives of those we taught and baptized and that because of our service we had the right to work miracles in our own lives. Recognizing my current need I feel at a loss for how I will accomplish a working of miracles in my life. I know that i need to rely upon the Lord and have faith but i worry that my having faith is actually me being apathetic, "The Lord will take care of it..." I know for a fact that on my mission we saw miracles. I also know for a fact that the miracles that took place were not the result of anything i did. I think this is something i'll be thinking about a lot for the next couple of days. For now i am going to do what i know how to do. Pray, fast, have faith, read the scriptures, go to the temple and put forth effort towards obtaining my goals.

Updates... because you care

2008-08-30T16:37:00.003-06:00

I dont really feel like i have much to blog about right now but im feeling bloggy right now. What i'll do is update you on things in my life

A. Fred and Wilma (the finches) are still very much in love and have started lining their nest with some nesting stuff i purchased for them.

B. Only 4 days till I go on my trip to Lake Powell!! I really am so excited to go. I love being there, and i love being with family in such a special place. I am also really excited for getting super tan and sleeping outside under the stars. I went to Wal Mart today to buy some supplies. I bought some hand sanitizer, after sun lotion, gluten free protien bars, sour patch kids, and other gluten free snacks.

C. Im going on a date tonight with a girl that works with my sister in law Lacey. We're going to the drive in up in Salt Lake. Im not hugely excited but not for the reasons you might think. I just found out we're not going till 9. So if the night is starting at 9 and we're going up to salt lake for a double featute at a drive in im guessing its going to be a very late and long night. I have decided that i need to take a deep breath and just try to have fun no matter what.

D. Im wearing a black shirt today. I love this shirt. Its my new favorite. It just fits me really well. Dont judge me.

E. School starts Tuesday. As you'll recall I'm going to Lake Powell Tuesday. Muhuhuhuhahahahahaha. So im missing the first week of school and have no reservations whatsoever. But this semester should be great. I'll begin my two semester long responsibility as a member of the editing staff of the BYU prelaw review. I will also be doing a capstone class which will consist of me tutoring at risk youth. Im really excited for that opportunity. I am enrolled in a class called cognition and it is the professor of that class that I am hoping to get a letter of recommendation from. The other class i'll be taking is a comparative government class and i am really hoping that we'll talk somewhat about the whole Russia Georgia thing.

Love Birds (viewer discretion is advised)

2008-08-26T00:13:00.003-06:00

Awhile back my brother's friends decided it would be fun to buy a finch just for the heck of it. Long story short at the end of the evening they had no idea what they would do with the finch so Cooper volunteered to become his permanent owner. So for about a year we've had this finch that we named Fred. We kept him in a small cage we purchased for him but since the passing of my beloved Paulie we moved him into her cage which is about 6 times larger than his old cage. He loved the upgrade but seeing tiny Fred in such a huge cage made us think that he surely must be lonely. Fred also has adopted his newer large food dish as his sleeping quarters. So my brother AJ decided to take some action. He went to a pet store and purchased Fred a "Nesting Hut" as well as a lady friend. We decided that she needed to be named Wilma. Now this is where my story gets graphic. I kid you not, within 10 seconds of putting Wilma in the cage with Fred he had mounted her. It was a very quick courtship and they are now full fledged lovers. They both moved into the nesting hut and have been in it together all day leaving only rarely to eat or play. Needless to say I am very convinced that we can expect baby finches in the future. Fred and Wilma are very cute. When they do leave their love nest they play with each other and talk to each other. You can tell they are very happy with each other.

Camelot

2008-08-24T18:32:00.003-06:00

Im living in my parents house again. To be honest I'm having a hard time with it. Let me make myself clear, the fact I'm having a hard time has nothing to do with my family. I liked living on my own and i think the change of living at home again has mixed up my situation which i was comfortable with. I've never been a huge fan of change but that tends to be one of the few things we can count on in life. Today I attended my new singles ward and i wasn't real impressed. In all honesty i didn't enjoy it at all. However i have decided to reserve judgment because today i am feeling very out of sorts. I realized i had forgotten to take my medicine for the last few days during my whole moving process. I am sure my feelings towards my ward will improve dramatically when i attend next week in a better state of mind. As i am writing this it occurred to me to make sure people recognize that i write this blog for myself and for the psychological benefit of writing one's feelings. If you don't want to read my complaints i never asked you to in the first place so feel free to discontinue.

Last night i realized there were certain things in my life that i want to change. I think its such a beautiful thing that we have the atonement and i find it fascinating that as we continually progress we will find new things to improve upon. Its all part of the perfection process. As i prayed about these things i felt really good about them as goals and felt strongly that my Heavenly Father will help me to achieve them.

Right now i am watching Star Trek: Nemesis. I love this movie. I haven't seen it since right after my mission. Jean-Luc Picard is the friggen man.

Yesterday My parents and I had the opportunity to attend a wedding reception for a girl from my ward in Atascadero. It was so awesome because a lot of people from the ward were there and it turned into a ward reunion. It was so much fun. My parents were really excited as well. It made me think of when the son's of Mosiah met up after their missions and how they felt joy that their brethren were still strong in the gospel etc. The parents of the girl who got married still live in Atascadero and she talked about how much she missed all the families that had moved away. She talked about the "glory days" of the ward and what a great ward it was. She referred to it as Camelot. It made me miss that time in that ward. It also made me feel truly grateful to have been raised in Camelot. We were a strong ward family and i couldn't help but be proud of my Dad who was their bishop and who you could tell was still very much loved and revered by these former ward members. Life is pretty incredible i must say. I cant help but be impressed by how interconnected the paths of millions of different lives are.

Also while at the reception there was a lady there that i knew from our ward in Atascadero. She is only 3 years older than i am but she is married and has two kids. I was just standing there and she approached me with her baby son. She then rubbed her son's arm against my arm. At first i thought to myself, "what the heck?" She then turned to her husband and said, "this is Cody and i just hope he will rub off on our son. Growing up I always thought Cody would be the prophet." It was really cute. I felt undeserving of that huge complement but at the same time very appreciative and flattered.

Transplantation

2008-08-20T22:37:00.003-06:00

I am the owner of three cacti. Two of which i purchased a few years ago at Target. They were on the clearance shelf and were very dried out and a day or two away from death. I purchased them because i felt bad for the awful fate that awaited them. I nursed them back to health and they are now quite large and very healthy and happy. Both shared a small pot of soil and i knew that they had to be very cramped in their pot. As for my third cactus, it was a gift given to me by a woman in Argentina named Margarita who i had the privilege of teaching and baptizing along with her teenage son Maxi. She lived in my last area and as a good-bye present she cut off a small piece of a cactus she had. She put the small clipping into a very tiny little pot with a dash of soil and told me to try and sneak it back to the States. So i have had this small cactus for the last 5 years in that same tiny pot. It grew some but has been about the same size for the last 4 years. A couple days ago i decided that my cacti deserved upgrades in their housing situation. I gave each of my two rescues their very own terracotta pot giving their roots ample room to grow and expand. As for my Argentine cactus i have him the pot that the two rescues were sharing but with brand new soil. You should see how funny he looks in that pot all by himself. He is about the size of the tip of my pinky. However, I have been blown away that in the last two days he has already grown some. I cant believe it. Im sure the soil he had sat in for 5 years was completely void of any nutrients after that long and the fact that he was totally root bound was just another factor in his stunted growth. So day by day i can see a difference. I had no idea that a cactus could grow so fast. As for my two rescues, I imagine they will increase in size as well due to the fact that they have their very own pots but their increase wont be as noticeable because they're fairly big to begin with.

Basement Dweller

2008-08-17T23:58:00.004-06:00

Cooper starts school tomorrow and i must admit that circumstance leads me to feel nauseated about the fact that I myself will be starting school in two weeks. I recognize how blessed i am to attend such a great school and to receive an education that has a world class reputation so i try not to complain to much. While i recognize the blessing it is, school tends to be really stressful. I suppose i need to get used to it with the amount of school i have left. :) I do take great comfort in the fact that this is my last year. woo hoo.

The LSAT is fast approaching. Strangely i feel really peaceful about it. I am studying and i am attending my LSAT prep class. Whatever happens happens. I have really come to the conclusion that whatever the outcome I'll totally be fine with it. I know that i am not good at standardized tests (just look at my SAT score) so even if i don't do spectacularly and i cant get into a really good law school i could kick butt in my first year and then transfer to a better law school. Whatever it takes right? I don't think this will be the case though. I really feel that I'll do well on the LSAT and that I'll get into a law school that I'll want to stick with all three years. I get excited just thinking about law school.

In a couple weeks i will have the chance to visit one of the most incredible places on earth. Lake Powell is a place that is very close to my heart. Im not quite sure what it is exactly but being there is such a recharge for my batteries. Its out of this world gorgeous and there is a special spirit there. I am really excited to see some cousins i have not seen in awhile. And not to sound shallow but one of the beautiful things about Lake Powell is that you get a friggen incredible tan.

This coming week my contract at the Branbury will be ending. I have decided that i want to move home to my parents house. Actually, the use of the word want is untruthful. I don't want to but rather need to. My finances are in bad shape and i am just not making it. By moving home i will have a bed to sleep in without paying a monthly fee of $300. I love my parents and my siblings to death. We are all super close. The reason i am not particularly excited about moving home is that I'll be further away from school and from the social network of Provo. This past month i have made leaps and bounds as far as being social and getting out there and meeting people. I have made some really good friends outside of my regular circle of friends and i became really involved in my ward attending FHE and other ward activities. I know that being far away can stunt that social growth but i just have to make sure that doesn't happen. I am committed to continual growth. I am also worried that it will be hard to find a quiet room to study in at my parents house but to remedy that possible problem i have decided that i will make use of the Library on campus as a place to study.

Clone Wars

2008-08-15T17:11:00.004-06:00

Last night was a really fun night. I went to the midnight showing of the new Star Wars animated movie and was really impressed. I enjoyed it at least. I heard people complaining after the movie but all their complaints were ridiculous because it was a CARTOON. This movie was aimed at children so I'm sorry that there were some parts that weren't Oscar worthy. I loved it. There were some really incredible battle scenes and parts that made me laugh out loud. The Jawas cracked me up. The villain, a dark Jedi named Asajj Ventress was delightfully evil and of course there was a great fight scene between her and Obi-wan Kenobi. I was hoping that maybe this movie would shed some more light on some of the other less known Jedi but that wasn't the case. I was very excited though that one of my absolute favorite Jedi, Plo Koon, made an appearance.

Rolling with the Proverbial It

2008-08-11T21:42:00.003-06:00

If you read my last blog you know that i applied for a legal internship. I was really hoping for an internship with the Utah County Attorneys Office but today i found out that i was not given an internship at all. I was dumbfounded honestly. I sat and looked at the e-mail for awhile and really couldn't believe it. I am really sad because i was really counting on having a legal internship on my law school application. Im considering finding my own. I need to see what the rules are on that and how i can get school credit for it. We'll see what i can manage.

On a more positive note today i found a venue to have the benefit concert i am planning held. I had been trying to think of some locations and i really was at a loss for where it could possibly be held but then i had an epiphany and Ozz billiard hall came to mind. A while back i had attended a few shows in their upstairs music venue. Back then it was kinda bare bones and not the greatest location but since i was desperate i still checked their web site only to find out that they have really improved it and have done some renovations including adding a really nice sound system and lighting. So I e-mailed a guy named Jeff who is in charge of booking and told him what i had in mind and he responded with his phone number. I spoke with him today and he was excited about the idea and was very open to having it there. Neon Trees is still down to play and i also spoke with my buddy Doug Kessinger of Nothing Ever Stays, a band from California, and they're still down to come to Utah and play the show. I want to get a 3rd and 4th band. I really would like my friend Cara's boyfriend's band to play and then for a fourth i am still looking. Finding this all out was definitely the highlight of my day. The benefit concert will happen yet.

Pick me! Pick me!

2008-08-09T00:07:00.002-06:00

Today I submitted my application to the pre-law office for a legal internship . I believe that i have a pretty good chance of getting one. There are only so many internships available but i am feeling optimistic. I really want one because it will be really beneficial giving me a chance to shadow a real lawyer and to work inside a law firm. It would also look really good on my application for law school. There is an internship that i am particularly hoping to get which is with the Utah County Attorney's Office. It would be super cool to see lawyers working on criminal cases. The description of that specific internship said that the intern would have to be comfortable viewing graphic pictures etc meaning murder scenes, assault victims and so on. Sign me up. Anyhow, like i said, there are only so many internships and I'll be very happy with any internship. I am supposed to find out on the 11th i believe. I'll keep you posted.

This evening i finally had an opportunity to wash my car. It was filthy with all the random shower's we've had lately. It looks divine now. I love my car and i love it even more because while i was washing it today i determined that it looks a lot like the spaceship from Flight of the Navigator! YEAH!!

Hyenas

2008-08-07T18:53:00.002-06:00

I've only dabbled in non-rhyming poetry. I normally like the structure of a rhyme scheme but i began writing last night and this is what i ended up with.

A savanna
I’m walking amongst hyenas
But the hyenas wear masks complete with smiles that hide their biting teeth
Masks do not restrain the beasts within but merely disguise them
Their thirst for blood drips all the same
I imagine it’s humid behind those grinning masks
Moist with the hot putrid breath of predation
The perfect breeding ground for diabolical betrayal
Hyenas think themselves clever walking on their hind legs, donning clothes, working 9 to 5
It’s a facade that doesn’t change the fact that behind the mask is a flea infested plague
Hell bent on acquiring their next meal of flesh
Beware the hyenas amongst you, amongst me
To them you’re just a mouthful of meat meant to momentarily appease an appetite for destruction

I Got a Raise!!!

2008-08-05T16:47:00.004-06:00

I got a raise!! woo hoo. I got an e-mail from my boss asking me to come in and see her. She asked me if I would continue working in the fall and I said that i definitely wanted to so she then told me that she would be giving me a raise. I was really excited. Every little bit helps. Also with this current semester the class i am working in is finishing up their final projects which is really cool to see. They have taken the sculptures they have done of me and are now "doing stuff" with them. One guy has chopped is up in a bunch of pieces and will hang them with string. They're all doing creative stuff. The teacher of the class continues working on his sculpture of me and he seriously blows my mind. Some of the artists including the teacher, will have art on display in the HFAC next week. I am for sure going to go see it because i appreciate art and the other stuff they have worked on seems really fascinating.
Yesterday i partook of the famous J-dog (sp?). I went with my friends Chelsea and Audrey for my first visit to the hot dog stand. Before hand we went to Good Earth so i could buy a pack of wheat free hot dog buns. It was really funny because when i ordered my hot dogs i said, " I'm allergic to gluten so i brought my own buns, you cool with that?" The two guys just looked at me for a second and then laughed and said, "sure." I ate my two dogs and they were really good. I didn't think they're as divine as people make them out to be but they were definitely good. I would like to go again and have them put less special sauce on just because I'm not a huge fan of sweet sauces. Afterward we went to David's bridal to drop off a hot dog to Stephanie. She was very appreciative.
It has been about a month and a half since I've been to the temple which i have determined is far too long. So this Friday i am going to go. I love being there and it does me a lot of good. It helps me to stay focused on what is really important. Temple attendance seems to give you an added strength in avoiding temptation, recognizing truth and error, and maintaining a broad perspective. I love how it feels after doing work for someone who has passed on. Its really a neat feeling.

Salmon

2008-08-03T16:45:00.003-06:00

I am so grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ and that i can repent of my sins! YAY!!! Seriously, can you imagine if there was no relief from our imperfections and short comings?! Life would be so depressing. Today at church someone was baring their testimony and said that the way to know if you're on the road to the Celestial Kingdom is if you're going uphill. I really thought it was awesome. Life is full of trials and tribulations and if we keep going forward we're on the right path. I think of salmon and how difficult it is to reach the spawning grounds. They are constantly swimming against the current and having to jump up waterfalls and avoid being eaten by bears. So the moral of the story, when life gets you down and you feel frustrated or overwhelmed, take comfort in the fact that you are progressing and that you're headed in the right direction.
Friday night was a super fun night. Tanner, Janae, Aric, Rachel, Cara and I decided that we wanted to go to the gateway in Salt Lake. So we met up in draper, and hopped aboard Trax which took us the rest of the way. We were dropped off about a block from where The Gateway is located. As we approached it i realized that i had come to the promised land because there in front of me was Urban Outfitters. I had no idea that The Gateway had an Urban Outfitters. Before we did any shopping we were all hungry and decided that we would eat. Starla had recommended Z-Tejas so we decided to give it a go. I wasn't real impressed and by the time we got out of there we didn't have much time to check out stores. We all split up to see the stores we wanted to see. Aric, Cara and I went to Urban Outfitters. It was awesome to try on some things and what not. Its unfortunate I currently don't have any money but that will change soon enough. I must say that i was blown away by the Gateway. What a cool place! We checked out a few other places made a stop at the Haagen-dazs where i had a delicious Mango Sorbet. I really wish we had more time to check out the different stores but still it was a super fun night. I definitely wanna go back. And touche to the UTA Trax system. I am really impressed by it and hope that they are a little more hasty about extending it down to Provo.
Yesterday I went to the mall with my sister Caitlin and my mom. I went in to Gap to see if they had any dress pants on their sales rack. I actually found a really nice pair of gray flat front pants for only $12. So i tried them on and they looked great. I was really excited about my purchase. So today at church i had my new pants and some new shoes i had purchased earlier this week at out of pure necessity (my old shoes were destroyed). There is something so satisfying about wearing new clothes. I dunno. Perhaps I'm a freak.

Swimming in the Rain

2008-07-26T23:09:00.002-06:00

It rained like the dickens this evening. The rain has stopped but it has remained super cloudy and windy and there is a lot of thunder and lightening. Near my parents house there is a grassy park that is kinda concave shaped. Anyhow, because of the rain it flooded with about 2 feet of water. So Cooper, Zach and I decided that we needed to go swim in it. We hopped in Coopers truck, drove down, and jumped into the grassy swamp. It was a lot of fun. It would have been more fun if it wasn't so windy. The wind kinda made it cold.

Things On My Mind

2008-07-22T22:44:00.010-06:00

Today I was just looking around on the internet looking up pictures of things I like and i thought i'd just share.

Bird of Paradise flowers are one of my absolute favorite. They have a sentimental value as well.

Minerva Teichert did some really incredible paintings. They have a special place in my heart because my mission president decorated the mission home with many of her paintings.

Killer Polo Suit. Black with non pleated pants. Beautiful.

The Audi S6 is a beautiful vehicle. You cant go wrong with a V10 engine.

Ray Ban Wayfarer Sunglasses. Cool to the max.

Outsurance

2008-07-20T18:29:00.003-06:00

Now that i am 26 i can no longer be covered by my parents insurance. Just the fact that that is an issue is kinda embarrassing but whatever. It really is unfortunate. I am currently uninsured which is sad because a few days ago i really needed to go to the chiropractor but that wasn't an option so i really prayed that whatever was wrong with my neck would fix itself. I am happy to say that as of today my neck feels totally better and i have complete mobility again. So what's an uninsured boy supposed to do? Fortunately BYU is willing to insure it's students, so once the semester starts I'll be able to buy insurance through them. I just wonder what their coverage is like.

Last night was INCREDIBLE! My mom and sister bought me two tickets to The Police concert at the Usana Amphitheater in Salt Lake. It was the coolest concert I've been to. Words cannot express how cool it was to see countless songs that i have loved since i was a kid played live by the band that originally recorded them. And friggen Sting is an animal. I was really impressed. It was also really cool to see Elvis Costello who opened for The Police. I really don't know any of his music but he was really really good.

This morning as i was leaving to go to church i found that my car had been egged. Knowing that egg will ruin your paint i decided that the ox was in the myer and that i needed to go get my car washed at the chevron station. It didn't get it totally off so after church at my parents house i sprayed down my car and washed it with soap. I got all the egg left but it has ruined the paint. My dad said some of it will buff out but where the two eggs hit it the shell cut through the paint. I thought it happened in the parking lot of my apartment but when i pulled up to my parents house i saw egg shells all over the street. So some stupid kids thinking they're clever decided to egg cars. They probably have no idea that they have ruined my paint because of their stupidity. I was livid today. It has been one thing after another with my car. First some idiot scratched the paint and didn't leave a note or anything, then the idiot that ran into me, and now this. Truly annoying and frustrating.

Done

2008-07-16T17:20:00.000-06:00

This morning i finished Ender's Game. I am in love with that book. In fact im fairly certain i am going to name one of my son's Ender. The cool thing about the audio version i purchased was that at the end there was a special address from the author Orson Scott Card. He talked about how he came up with the idea, that he thought it up when he was about 16 years old and that it just kinda evolved. He also really would like it to be made into a movie but that has been kinda an ordeal because most people that have approached him said that in the movie Ender would need to be a 16 year old in stead of a young boy. Fortunately Card refuses to allow anyone to make it into a movie unless they promise that Ender would be a boy. I am grateful Card is sticking to his guns on this because it is so essential to the entire plot that Ender be a boy. I believe this will eventually be made and i know that once it is it'll be an incredible movie because of how protective Card is of his story.

Is it just me or is this summer flying by? It makes me deeply saddened because i feel like i haven't done anything fun. How sad eh? Oh well

So for those that know some friends of mine and I have been working to put on a benefit concert. We had been hoping a friend of ours named Mikal, who happens to be friends with a band called Shiny Toy Guns, could help us get said band to play for us. Recently we found out that that's not going to be possible. Frankly, I'm just glad to finally know whether they were gonna do it or not. At least now we can move forward where before we were just holding our breath waiting to hear. I still am planning on having a benefit concert. It will be much smaller in scale but will surely be a lot of fun. The band Neon Trees is still on board and due to their local reputation i believe they will be our main band. I am on the look out for some good local bands to open.

Great Book

2008-07-15T19:56:00.010-06:00

Inspired by the current book i am reading by Orson Scott Card on how to write science fiction and fantasy I decided to use the $15 iTunes gift card Rachel and Cara bought me to purchase the book on tape version of Card's most famous book, Ender's Game. I have always heard from people that it is a good book and i must resoundingly agree. I LOVE it. I cannot stop listening to it. I have spent 90% of my free time these past few days listening. It is so incredibly written and i have fallen in love with the characters, especially Ender. If anyone reading this has never read Ender's Game i would highly recommend reading it. Even if you're not a science fiction fan i believe you would love the incredible story of Ender's life. Wow. Just thinking about the book leaves me in awe.

26

2008-07-12T19:52:00.004-06:00

I have a lot to write about. I have sat down a couple times to write a blog but the task seems somewhat daunting with all the things i want to write about. Here goes nothing.

June 8th i had an opportunity to go to Salt Lake to a venue called Kilby Court to go see a band called Lakes play. It was a great great experience to be able to see them. I wrote a blog in the past about the time i went to see them play in Draper only to find out they were unable to make it to Utah due to high gas prices. This time however, they made it. I have been a long time fan of Seth Roberts the lead singer of Lakes. He had a band in high school known as Watashi Wa which was signed to the Tooth and Nail record label. They were incredible. I was especially fond of Watashi Wa because the lead guitar player, Mike Newsome, and the bass player, Roger Tompkins, were good friends of mine. Anyhow Watashi Wa eventually broke up but Seth continued his musical career by starting a band called Eager Seas which got screwed over by their record label and forced to assume the name of Watashi Wa even though it was a totally different band. Eager Seas left Tooth and Nail and was signed by the Militia Group under the name of Lakes. (Sorry for the brief history) So anyhow, i have seen Lakes play before in California. They did an acoustic set at a benefit concert. At Kilby Court Seth was joined by a guitar player, drummer, and keyboard player. It was an awesome set. They sounded incredible and even played some of the old Watashi Wa stuff. In the intimate setting of Kilby Court among the 20 or so people in attendance i was the only person their that was able to sing along with the band which i thought was funny. After they finished i noticed that the guy they had brought along with them as a sort of roadie was a very good friend of mine from high school, Matt Covington. I approached him and he was blown away to see me as he had forgotten that i was living in Utah. It was great to see him and talk with him. He is one of the nicest people you could ever meet. Not an ounce of pride or ego, just pure christian kindness. I was then approached by Seth who remembered me which was awesome. Honestly I'm not sure if he remembered me from being friends with Mike and Roger, or being in the play the Wizard of Oz together as kids in which we both played munchkins. I was able to speak with him briefly and then again a little later. It was awesome to speak with him and i could tell he was still the humble guy i remembered. They had some shirts for sale and some free posters. I took a poster and then said i wanted to give them some gas money. I didn't have enough for a shirt, all i had was $4.40. So i gave him the $4.40 and he said, "do you want a shirt?" To which i responded, "no way, i cant take a shirt from you for only $4.40." "No, take one, i don't mind, do you like this one?" He said. "Yeah I do." i replied. "What size?" he asked. So he gave me a really cool Lakes t-shirt. I felt really bad but at the same time i felt really appreciative. I went out to my car and took all the spare change in my cup holder which came out to being $1.20 and gave it to Matt Covington for gas. I stayed for one of the other bands playing and wasn't very impressed. There was a lot of yelling and jumping around and the singer would toss the mike from hand to hand as if to impress his audience. I then decided to leave. It was awesome to see Lakes play and to catch up with Matt. I was bummed that i didn't get a chance to talk to Jacob, the drummer of Lakes who also has his own solo project, Bellarayne, which i have mentioned in a prior blog. It was an awesome night.

July 10th i turned 26. What could have very easily been a depressing day was in fact a GREAT one. It started out very normal as i went to renew my drivers license. I expected that to take forever but it actually was a fairly quick and painless task. As i did that i had a bit of a scare as the guy that checked my eyes said that i have a weak right eye. When he said this my first thought was, "that's impossible." I have always had very good eyesight. It turned out that he wasn't using the thing correctly and after fixing it revealed that my eyesight was fine. So i then left to go to the gym. As i drove by i saw that the parking lot was jam packed and i HATE going to the gym when its busy. Mainly because when its busy its crawling with meat heads and its impossible to get on the machines or weights that you want to get on. So i headed over to my parents house where i vacuumed out the interior of my car because it was in need of a good vacuuming. I then decided to go to the gym and see if it had died down which it had. So i spent about an hour and 15 minutes at the gym which was great. After that I went back to my parents and watched an animated batman movie i had rented. I then showered and got ready for my birthday dinner. I met my friends at Outback Steakhouse where i had a delicious stake. Tanner was really nice and paid for my dinner which i appreciated. Present at my birthday dinner were Tanner, Janae, Rachel, Cara, Aric and Bobby. I hadn't seen Bobby in awhile so it was awesome having him there. We then went back to Tanner's parents house to open presents. I was really excited about that. I've got to tell you that my friends got me the NEATEST presents. My friends are so thoughtful and got me things that they new i would truly appreciate. I will list the things they got me and you will see how well these people know me.

Rachel and Cara
As i opened their present i could see the contents and all i could do was smile. Inside the gift back i found a jar of almonds which i absolutely love. Almonds are seriously a staple of my diet. Also there was a vitamin water which is one of the loves of my life. Next i pulled out a large bag of butterfingers which is probably my favorite candy as they are gluten free and just downright delicious. Also in the bag was an X-files DVD which contains 6 episodes of the TV show that are essential viewing for preparing to see the upcoming X-files movie. I have already watched 5 of the six episodes and they have been GOOD ones. Also in the bag was a $15 itunes gift card. YAY! I love those itunes gift cards. Seriously what a great gift! The whole package was topped off with a really cool transformers birthday card. LETS ROLL! I was very appreciative to the Spohn sisters. They got me an awesome present which i am still enjoying today.

Aric
A couple weeks ago i had been discussing with Aric the fact that i really wanted to take a yoga class. It turns out that Golds Gym, where i have a membership, has a yoga class. So at first i was handed a packet of paper. I flipped through the pages of the packet and saw that it was a printed out schedule of the classes offered at Golds Gym with the yoga class times highlighted. Then Aric went into the other room and returned with a yoga mat. Not just any yoga mat mind you, but a really nice nike yoga mat. I was amazed at such a thoughtful gift. I was really very excited and cannot wait to stroll into a yoga class with that mat over my shoulder. Im gonna look so cool.

Janae
Janae slaved over a hot oven creating for me a gluten free birthday cake! Which by the way was delicious. She also found that most frostings contained gluten so what did she do? She made her own frosting which was delicous. She also gave me some really good gluten free snacks which i really appreciate because its seriously so hard finding gluten free snacks. She also gave me a really cool bracelet she had made. Its one of those hemp ones with beeds and honestly ever since i found out she made them i have wanted one so i was pleased as pop. In fact i have it on right now. Such a fun gift.

Tanner
I opened Tanner's gift and was dumbfounded. He knew about my ideas for a prequel to the movie Willow so he bought me a book written by Orson Scott Card. Now for those that dont know who Orson Scott Card is I will tell you. He is a science fiction and fantasy writer with such credits as Ender's game, Speaker for the Dead, and Shadow Puppets. Anyhow, the book that Tanner bought me is called How to Write Science Fiction and Fantasy. He also gave me a composition notebook and a nice one to boot. He told me that i had to read the book and then write my prequel to Willow. It was the neatest gift. I was in awe of such a thoughful gift. I have already begun reading the book and am really enjoying it. The prospect of writing science fiction has always been attractive to me so I am eating up the book.

I also got a great gift from my cousin Bri who wrote a birthday blog for me. It was really so nice of her. She said some very kind things that i really appreciated. I love Bri.

What great friends i Have!

July 11th
Cooper, Caitlin, Travis and I went to see Journey play up in Salt Lake. It was incredible. Caitlin had to work so Cooper and I went early to get in line and get a good spot on the lawn. Caitlin and Travis didnt show up till right before Journey started so Cooper and I got to hear Cheap Trick and Heart open up the show. Cheap Trick was ok but Heart was incredible. Neither however could even compare to Journey. They were absolutely amazing. I was so impressed with Journey's new lead singer. He's a Fillipino that was the lead singer of a Journey cover band. They had posted some of their performances on youtube which is how he was discovered. You could tell the guy was having the time of his life. He was super animated and his voice was incredible. He sounded exactly like the original lead singer. It was seriously one of those nights that i'll remember forever. I've always been a big fan of Journey so to finally see them play was incredible. After it was over it took forever to get out of the parking lot. We then went to Denny's for a late night breakfast.

Cancers Unite!

2008-07-06T20:13:00.006-06:00

I must admit that its a comfort to know that I am worthy before the Lord. That knowledge is priceless and helps me to remain calm in the face of life's toils and troubles. I continue in my current funk of feeling overwhelmed and frustrated with life in general but I recognize those feelings and I am able to put them in a magical mind Tupperware to be sorted through later.

Current contents of magical mind tupperware.
My debt
My lack of money
Option of selling my car
LSAT
Law school
Turning 26 on July 10th
Marriage
My families financial situation (latest development is the possiblity of selling their house)
The upcoming school year

Apparently I dont hide my worries very well. My mom could tell I have a lot on my mind. She said for the past week she could tell. I swear the woman is a sorcerer or sooth sayer or some other sort of mistress of the dark arts. Hah! Or maybe she's a good mom who know's her kids.

Today is my brother Cooper's birthday. He is 17 which blows my mind because i remember very well turning 17. It blows my mind that it has been almost a decade since i turned that age. Time is an incredible concept to me.

July is a great month to have a birthday but i suppose i am somewhat biased due to the fact that my birthday is in July. Im super excited about Bri's baby Caleb being born in July. Cancers Unite!

Last night i treated myself to two movie rentals. Now is where i reveal how big a nerd i am. I rented Star Trek III and Star Trek IV. I watched III last night and will be watching IV today. What can i say, I love science fiction and Star Trek is a lot of fun.

232 Years and Still Going Strong

2008-07-05T00:25:00.002-06:00

I love my country and today was a great day of celebrating the Independence of the United States.
My day started out at my parents house because i decided to spend the night. For breakfast i treated myself to some scrambled eggs which i really find delicious as long as they are salted correctly. Unsalted eggs are just not that tasty. The fascinating thing is that I'm not one of those people that heavily salts my food but eggs require a fair amount of salting. I then showered to head over to the Phillips house for a family BBQ and swim extravaganza. As i showered i really came to realize how essential good water pressure is for a good shower. My parents shower could blast the flesh from your bones if you were so inclined. After my shower i finished getting ready and determined my hair is at an optimal length right now. Hah! That sounds beyond vain but anyone and everyone knows when they are having a good hair day or what have you. What i mean to say is that if i could push a pause button on my hair growth i would do so right now. The BBQ was fun mainly because i like food. I partook of two hamburger patties, some beans which i later found out had wheat, delicious watermelon, cantaloupe, and pineapple, and cottage cheese fruit salad type of thing. All together it was very good. I then was able to swim in the Phillip's pool and fortunately i had my goggles so i spent a lot of time chasing Zach around in the pool which he loved. He likes any game that involves him evading certain destruction. After swimming i was truly exhausted and left to go back to my parents house. I lied down on the couch and within minutes was out cold. I had a great nap after which i took another shower to cleanse myself of the chlorine from swimming. Tanner had said that we were gonna go down to center street in Provo where there are currently a bunch of booths and fun stuff for the 4th of July which i was pretty excited about but we ended up not going. Sad. So i spent the evening here at my parents house which i really enjoyed actually. I watched the Olympic swim trials on TV which i love because swimming has always been something i love to watch. Once it was dark, my mom, dad, sister and I went out and sat in the front yard and watched all the fireworks all over the valley. We have a great view from our front yard which worked out great.

On an unrelated note, I REALLY want a bike. I've really been researching bikes and I'm pretty sure I'm going to go through with it.

Quicksand

2008-07-02T23:18:00.003-06:00

Bri pointed out that i needed to post more blogs and i must admit i agree. I know that i haven't been very bloggy lately. I guess i feel like i don't have much to write about or much that i want to write about. I have decided however that i will force myself to write tonight.
I continue to really enjoy my job. What originally was only a promise of at least 6 hours a week has turned into a guarantee of at least 12 hours a week because the teacher of the BYU sculpting class requested that I be the only model scheduled for his class. I find that to be flattering as well as a huge blessing because i need the money.
To be honest i am kinda having a hard time lately. I don't know what is wrong exactly. Part of me thinks it has to do with my fast approaching birthday but I don't know that for sure. I feel stagnant and unsatisfied. Big Time. When i analyze my life and what i am doing i feel that i am not really justified in feeling that way but i cant deny that's what i am feeling. I have a job, I am magnifying my calling as the Sunday School President in my ward, I am reading my scriptures on a fairly regular basis, I go to the temple (i havnt gone in three weeks so maybe thats part of the problem), I am going to the gym 3-4 times a week like normal, and i continue to study for the LSAT and attend my LSAT prep class. I look at all those things and logic would say that i am far from stagnant but i am consumed with a feeling of general unsatisfaction (not sure if thats a word). I don't enjoy writing about my struggles in my blog just because i feel like whiny whinerson but at the same time writing down my feelings does seem to be helpful.
As i mentioned earlier I will be turning 26 on July 10th. Thats crazy to me. Doesnt that seem kinda old? Yuck. When i turned 25 it was like the end of the world for me but 26 isnt that big a deal.
This summer i really want to make a trip out to California. I genuinely dont know how i'll be able to afford it but im putting it out there that the money will somehow come, allowing me to make that trip.

Price of Gas: One of Your Kidneys

2008-06-27T13:22:00.003-06:00

The issue with the damage to my car is done finally. Unfortunately it got really ugly and I came to realize that the guy that hit me was as much a snake as i thought he was. It ended with him sending me an e-mail where he attacked my character. Part of me wanted to respond and to put him in his place because he made it so easy to do so because of his complete lack of logic but i decided against doing so. I think he wanted to get me riled up and hoped for some sort of e-mail argument but I refuse to give him that pleasure. So I get to take my car to my location of choice and the insurance agent of his insurance company was incredibly nice and fast. Once I decided i wasn't going to deal with the guy anymore and just make the claim to his insurance the issue was resolved within a day. This is a huge weight off my shoulders.

I have lately given serious thought to selling my car. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my car but with gas prices the way they are i know that there are cars out there that get better gas mileage. My car is all wheel drive which is one of the things i love most about it. It handles the winter roads like nothing. And still, being all wheel drive it gets 22 around town and 30 on the freeway. Nothing to cough at by any means. Its just hard for me knowing that there are cars like a honda civic that get like 30 around town and 38 on the freeway. We'll see though, I have not made up my mind on the issue.

High gas prices have also been the motivation behind my recent consideration of purchasing a bike. Im really tempted to just park my car and ride a bike all summer. Most the travel i do is all done here in Provo or Orem. Even my parents house in Lindon wouldn't be a terrible bike ride. I want one of those commuter bikes that are made for street travel. Not a road bike. Those are like a bajillion dollars and dont appeal to me. I am specifically looking at the Electra Amsterdam.

They are a very nice bike and my brother AJ who used to work at a bike shop could get me a really good deal on one. Im just trying to figure out if it is a worthy investment because money is tight right now.

Very few people know of my new job and i like it that way. I rarely tell people because its fairly embarrassing but i am going to write about it here because only my close friends read this blog. I am working right now as an art model for the BYU art department. When i do tell people this the first thing i get asked is, "so you stand there naked?!" No, i dont. This is BYU were talking about here. But i am wearing only a speedo which to be honest i was super nervous about at first. Im a super modest person. I dont like to walk around with my shirt off or whatever, thats just not me, but i have fallen in love with this job. It is incredible to see yourself drawn. Does that sound vain? hah! But im serious, it absolutely fascinates me that these artists are able to do what they do. I have modeled in a sketch class, a sculpture class and a painting class and every time i have done it i have been blown away by the art these people create. It has increased the already huge respect i have for artists. The artist i've been most impressed with was in a sketching class. It was actually the teacher of the class and he was able to capture incredible details that left me wondering, "how the crap do you do that with a pencil?!" I am really hoping that i will somehow be able to acquire some of the sketches just because i think they are so impressive and it would be really cool to have a sketch of myself.

Feed the Birds. Toppins a Bag

2008-06-19T17:56:00.004-06:00

On Tuesday the 17th I was driving to the gym when all of a sudden some idiot in a big truck decided to cross three lanes of traffic perpendicular to the direction of traffic into my lane. However, he failed to see my car because cars on the road are usually so hard to make out, you know, they tend to blend in with their surroundings and he hit me in the rear drivers side corner. I was not happy clearly, so i pulled over because as you know, when you hit someone you take responsibility and pull over to give the driver your information. But this gentleman instead waved at me as if to say, "sorry" but kept driving. I was like, "Oh Heo no!" So i pulled back onto the road in hot pursuit of the offender. Luckily he was going to the mall and pulled into the parking lot. He parked and got out and walked towards the entrance of Macy's. So i quickly parked, got out of my car and yelled, "HEY!" He turned around. "You hit me!" I said. "I don't think I did," he replied. "Actually you did," I bitingly shot back. So he came over, looked at the corner of his truck where he saw silver paint scuffed on his bumper. He then came over to my car where i pointed out the large scuff on my car. "Well I didn't feel anything," he said. "I did." I replied. At this point I'm kinda shook up. Not for any reason than that my adrenaline was pumping from being angry. I called my dad to ask him what i should do even though i knew what to do which i find funny. I got the guys insurance information and his name and number etc. He said that he would like to avoid taking care of this through insurance and said he'd rather pay cash to have it fixed. "It just needs to be buffed," he said. "Whatever buddy," I thought. So today i took my car to Ron (greatest body work guru you'll ever meet because of how anal he is about achieving perfection in his repair work) to have him give me a quote to have it repaired. He pointed out that buffing would not fix the problem because there are cracks in the paint and plastic that need to be fixed. He quoted me $465 to get it repaired. That blows my mind and I have a feeling Kirk (guy who hit me) is gonna crap a brick. I honestly could care less. I have his insurance info so if he gives me any guff I'm just gonna say, "I could always contact your insurance company if you wish?" Now the whole thing isn't that big of a deal, but its just annoying having to use up time and mental energy to deal with it.

Today i had a dermatologist appointment because i wanted Dr. Eyre to look at the moles on my body to make sure there aren't any that look cancerous. Fortunately he said they looked ok. There was one however that was galaxy shaped that he wanted to remove. He said a good rule of thumb with moles is to remove the most bizarre looking one and to check it out. If the cells look weird then its a good indicator of the state of the others. He's gonna have the mole checked out and then he'll call me (thinking about the movie The Men in Black, I cant help but ponder the possibility that i am responsible for the decimation of an entire galaxy far far away). See how healthy and responsible i am? Gosh. I'm just not looking forward to turning 40 because that's when i have to do the colonoscopy (dry heave). Oh well, i have 14 years to prepare for that.

After having my mole removed he bandaged me up and what not. I was planning on going to the gym to do some cardio and i wasn't sure if i should or not what with the newly acquired hole in my back. I went anyways. I mean its not like i would bleed out. So i went and did the elliptical for 30 minutes. I love doing cardio while watching TV. It makes it so much more enjoyable for me. I always watch the political discussions on Fox. Love it.

In my parents back yard i have a bird feeder set up. I have had one out there for the past 4 years. I love that all the little birds come and feed in the back yard. Its fun to watch them. We get quail, magpies, hummingbirds and these little finch birds that are bright red. Well mostly bright red and then there are random ones that are blue. Its the same type of bird but blue. I think it must be a fluke color variation because there really is usually only one of the 20 that come. Also, this year we have a family of doves that visits. We've never had doves before but they are nesting in the nearby trees this year. The birds are a lot of fun to watch. I think when I'm an old man I'm gonna be one of the bird watching types. The kind that wake up early and goes to different locations with my huge binoculars.

Speaking of birds, my parents have a pigeon coupe and about 8 pigeons. They are really funny birds, i enjoy having them around because they come and they go as they please and they reproduce and the babies are really cute i must admit. So a few days ago my sister in law Lacey went out to look at the pigeons and the coupe was empty. She looked up to the nesting boxes and there was a Gopher Snake inside. She got my dad who went out and capture the snake. He had killed the 3 babies that were currently being raised. It was so bizarre because he didn't eat any of them but he killed all three. I felt really bad for the pigeons because it was really a traumatic experience for them. They didn't return to the coupe all day. They all just roosted on my parents roof watching the coupe. They eventually returned to the coupe but the fascinating thing is that there now is always one or two pigeons sitting on the landing platform of the coupe standing watch. Its amazing to me. Its not always the same pigeon so they must have a rotation. Animals fascinate me. They learn and progress just as we do just on a smaller scale obviously. But life goes on for them too. Coping with life's toils is not something restricted to the human species.