Lesson Learned

I wanted to share with you something I have learned from what I consider to be a past mistake. It is something I regret and try not to dwell upon but I will be honest when I say that it is at the forefront of my mind.
When I lived in Santa Monica there was a girl there that I came to have very strong feelings for. I took her on a couple dates and had hoped she was the "reason" for my moving there. It got to the point where I began to doubt in her interest which as I look back, I genuinely don't know if I was looking for a reason to abandon ship because of my own personal fears or if she truly was uninterested. I ended up giving up by telling myself she wasnt interested and that really was the last straw in my decision to move back to Utah.
What I regret is not expressing to her my feelings. I should have laid it all out there because had I done that one of two things could have happened. She could have expressed reciprocal interest or she could have said, "sorry buddy, not happening." Either way, I would have known exactly how she felt because I had communicated to her my feelings.
I battle at least a couple times a week with that regret. I still think she is a fantastic girl. If it were not for the fact that she was in a serious relationship with someone I respect greatly, I would call her and tell her how I felt. And if there was interest on her part I would seriously pack up and go down to LA and live in my car.
I recognize it is not healthy to dwell on the past like this, but I am grateful to say that I have learned from this event and feel like I have made great progress in the last month in moving forward. What I have learned is that the next time I have feelings for someone the way I did (still do) for Danielle I will pursue her unceasingly. That sounds pretty stalkerish. What I mean is that I will continue to try to develop the relationship I want with that girl and that for me to back off would require the girl vocally saying to me, "Cody, you're a freak, leave me alone for the love of all that is good and holy!"
"You need to move on, Cody." you might say. I agree and I think that I am moving on. I do think it is ok to, from time to time, review the past to evaluate and learn what to do differently. I have written out these feelings as a sort of cathartic way of taking what was in my head and putting it out into the light of day in the hopes that my moving on process will be accelerated. Make sense?