I just read over this post and realized that the tone could be taken as very sad when in actually I am writing this very matter-of-factly with a hint of self deprecation. I'm not sad. I am feeling very optimistic.
The process of applying to grad school has been really intense and stressful. But it's totally in my head. I am proud to say though that I have continued to push forward and am close to being finished with the application process. This past Saturday I completed a big step that I have been fretting for quite some time. Taking the GRE was quite the experience. There were a couple times during the test where I could feel myself starting to lose it a little. I think a lot of it is that they didnt let me take my chapstick in with me. I was going craaaaaazy. It really wasnt the chapstick. I was genuinely panicking. I survived though. As for my performance on the test, not great. I was really pretty upset about the thing and cried in my mother's arms (cut me some slack, I'm only 29). No but I'm being serious. I cried. And said dammit. "Just take it again, Code!" you may say. To which I reply, "No thanks." The next time I could even take it would be after the application deadlines for the schools I'm applying to. I'm totally ok with it though. I'm going to apply with the scores I have and see what happens. That is really my only choice.
There are some new developments in the programs I am applying to. I am still applying to Clinical Psych programs, but I have added to my application list two Masters of Social Work programs. "Ewwwwwww, Social Work?!" "Good luck affording food and toilet paper and clothes and hair product (essentials)." A Masters of Social Work is actually a very legit path to where I want to get. It would allow me to be a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. As a LCSW I can still open a private practice and work as a therapist. The reason I am entertaining this idea is that it would cost me A LOT LESS MONEY. Once I am a LCSW I can work while doing my doctorate if I so desire which would further decrease future student debt. Plus, doing a masters will allow me to dominate grade wise which will allow me to apply to better schools for my doctoral degree (my BYU grades were fairly mediocre [3.17 gpa]). The two MSW programs I am applying to are Utah State (womp womp I hate Logan) and Arizona State. I would LOVE to go to ASU. A) warm weather, B)I can still get in state tuition as a Utah resident and C) warm weather. Not to mention the fact that their MSW program is awesome. They have a direct practice emphasis which is exactly what I want and just looking at the list of required classes got me all giddy. I am really hoping to get in to that program. If I do, I would give it priority over any Clinical Psych doctoral program I get into. One more benefit of the MSW: if I decide to just stick with that degree and not go the complete doctoral route, I would only be in school for two years. Pretty nice. However, at this point I am pretty committed with going all the way and getting my doctoral degree.
Another part of the application process that had me super stressed was getting letters of recommendation. I had no intention of continuing with psychology so I never took the time to cultivate relationships with my psych professors. I knew I could count on one professor and when I contacted him he replied that he was more than willing. For the other two I had to get pretty creative. Whether they will work or not, I don't know. We will certainly find out. One I requested from a past bishop I had. I was his executive secretary and we worked very closely together. When I talked to him he said he would approach the letter from more of a professional working relationship which is great. A letter from a bishop talking about the strength of my testimony would do me no good. I am grateful he saw exactly how to approach the letter. Next, I have a letter coming from the teacher in charge of the class I volunteered in at the Utah State Hospital children's unit. When I went in to the class to ask her, she was so happy to see me. She gave me a hug and was so kind. I told her what my plans were and she was thrilled to write me a letter.
I feel like things are falling in place for me. Not only has this been progress made, but it has pushed me to do things that have made me uncomfortable which is also progress.
PS watch this video. It's mind blowing. I wonder what her degrees are in. Oh, yeah. Social work.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Concerned
I recently wrote an e-mail to a friend of mine. I decided to post an adapted version of the email here as well because I would like to hear what you think. This is something that has been weighing very heavily on my mind for the past few weeks.
I am planning to go to grad school for clinical psychology. I am in the process of applying to a handful of doctoral progams and will be taking the GRE in 3 weeks. While I like to think I am an intelligent person, the measurements schools use to assess my intelligence and probable success as a student indicate that I am about as dumb as a rock. Like I said, I am taking the GRE in three weeks and I really do not expect to do super well. And I don't say that in a pessimistic or dramatic way but in what I see as a logical and realistic way. Also, my GPA is not stellar. I have about a 3.1. The schools I am applying to fit into three categories: probable, possible and long shot. Again, looking at my situation in what I believe to be a logical way, I think there is a possibility of getting rejected by every school I apply to. But let's say I get into one of my "probable" schools. They are not renowned or well known but expensive nonetheless. When I graduate I will be a psychologist, yes, but one that graduated from a school that no one has heard of but cost a pretty penny. Am I stupid to go to one of these schools? Am I stupid to incur the debt that accompanies an education these days? In all honesty, I don't see that I really have any other options. If you were in my shoes what would you do? The only thing that has kept me from giving up (beside my desire to be a psychologist) is something my brother Cooper said. Like many of us in the Swenson clan he has been dealing with depression and anxiety and has met with two different psychologists, one that graduated from BYU, the other Penn State (both great programs) but both Doctors did not accomplish much with my brother. He pointed this out to me and said he thinks that what makes a good psychologist is the actual person and not the school they went to. I do believe that I would be a good psychologist. I believe that I could really help a lot of people. I believe that I have talents and an intuition that cannot be taught in a school. All the schools I am applying to are APA accredited which for me is a non negotiable. But most lack name recognition. It would not bother me to graduate from a school that no one has heard of but I do wonder if it would hurt me. This a decision I will make with a lot of prayer. I would also love to know what you think.
I do want to add that I am fasting and praying for miracles and I am trying to be faithful and trusting.
I am planning to go to grad school for clinical psychology. I am in the process of applying to a handful of doctoral progams and will be taking the GRE in 3 weeks. While I like to think I am an intelligent person, the measurements schools use to assess my intelligence and probable success as a student indicate that I am about as dumb as a rock. Like I said, I am taking the GRE in three weeks and I really do not expect to do super well. And I don't say that in a pessimistic or dramatic way but in what I see as a logical and realistic way. Also, my GPA is not stellar. I have about a 3.1. The schools I am applying to fit into three categories: probable, possible and long shot. Again, looking at my situation in what I believe to be a logical way, I think there is a possibility of getting rejected by every school I apply to. But let's say I get into one of my "probable" schools. They are not renowned or well known but expensive nonetheless. When I graduate I will be a psychologist, yes, but one that graduated from a school that no one has heard of but cost a pretty penny. Am I stupid to go to one of these schools? Am I stupid to incur the debt that accompanies an education these days? In all honesty, I don't see that I really have any other options. If you were in my shoes what would you do? The only thing that has kept me from giving up (beside my desire to be a psychologist) is something my brother Cooper said. Like many of us in the Swenson clan he has been dealing with depression and anxiety and has met with two different psychologists, one that graduated from BYU, the other Penn State (both great programs) but both Doctors did not accomplish much with my brother. He pointed this out to me and said he thinks that what makes a good psychologist is the actual person and not the school they went to. I do believe that I would be a good psychologist. I believe that I could really help a lot of people. I believe that I have talents and an intuition that cannot be taught in a school. All the schools I am applying to are APA accredited which for me is a non negotiable. But most lack name recognition. It would not bother me to graduate from a school that no one has heard of but I do wonder if it would hurt me. This a decision I will make with a lot of prayer. I would also love to know what you think.
I do want to add that I am fasting and praying for miracles and I am trying to be faithful and trusting.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
I've been shot!
A friend of Cooper's is a photographer attending the Art Institute in Salt Lake City. She is very talented and asked me if I would let her take some pictures of me. I was more than willing having seen her past work. Follow this link to see the pictures of me on her blog. Artistic people blow my mind.
Lesson Learned
I wanted to share with you something I have learned from what I consider to be a past mistake. It is something I regret and try not to dwell upon but I will be honest when I say that it is at the forefront of my mind.
When I lived in Santa Monica there was a girl there that I came to have very strong feelings for. I took her on a couple dates and had hoped she was the "reason" for my moving there. It got to the point where I began to doubt in her interest which as I look back, I genuinely don't know if I was looking for a reason to abandon ship because of my own personal fears or if she truly was uninterested. I ended up giving up by telling myself she wasnt interested and that really was the last straw in my decision to move back to Utah.
What I regret is not expressing to her my feelings. I should have laid it all out there because had I done that one of two things could have happened. She could have expressed reciprocal interest or she could have said, "sorry buddy, not happening." Either way, I would have known exactly how she felt because I had communicated to her my feelings.
I battle at least a couple times a week with that regret. I still think she is a fantastic girl. If it were not for the fact that she was in a serious relationship with someone I respect greatly, I would call her and tell her how I felt. And if there was interest on her part I would seriously pack up and go down to LA and live in my car.
I recognize it is not healthy to dwell on the past like this, but I am grateful to say that I have learned from this event and feel like I have made great progress in the last month in moving forward. What I have learned is that the next time I have feelings for someone the way I did (still do) for Danielle I will pursue her unceasingly. That sounds pretty stalkerish. What I mean is that I will continue to try to develop the relationship I want with that girl and that for me to back off would require the girl vocally saying to me, "Cody, you're a freak, leave me alone for the love of all that is good and holy!"
"You need to move on, Cody." you might say. I agree and I think that I am moving on. I do think it is ok to, from time to time, review the past to evaluate and learn what to do differently. I have written out these feelings as a sort of cathartic way of taking what was in my head and putting it out into the light of day in the hopes that my moving on process will be accelerated. Make sense?
When I lived in Santa Monica there was a girl there that I came to have very strong feelings for. I took her on a couple dates and had hoped she was the "reason" for my moving there. It got to the point where I began to doubt in her interest which as I look back, I genuinely don't know if I was looking for a reason to abandon ship because of my own personal fears or if she truly was uninterested. I ended up giving up by telling myself she wasnt interested and that really was the last straw in my decision to move back to Utah.
What I regret is not expressing to her my feelings. I should have laid it all out there because had I done that one of two things could have happened. She could have expressed reciprocal interest or she could have said, "sorry buddy, not happening." Either way, I would have known exactly how she felt because I had communicated to her my feelings.
I battle at least a couple times a week with that regret. I still think she is a fantastic girl. If it were not for the fact that she was in a serious relationship with someone I respect greatly, I would call her and tell her how I felt. And if there was interest on her part I would seriously pack up and go down to LA and live in my car.
I recognize it is not healthy to dwell on the past like this, but I am grateful to say that I have learned from this event and feel like I have made great progress in the last month in moving forward. What I have learned is that the next time I have feelings for someone the way I did (still do) for Danielle I will pursue her unceasingly. That sounds pretty stalkerish. What I mean is that I will continue to try to develop the relationship I want with that girl and that for me to back off would require the girl vocally saying to me, "Cody, you're a freak, leave me alone for the love of all that is good and holy!"
"You need to move on, Cody." you might say. I agree and I think that I am moving on. I do think it is ok to, from time to time, review the past to evaluate and learn what to do differently. I have written out these feelings as a sort of cathartic way of taking what was in my head and putting it out into the light of day in the hopes that my moving on process will be accelerated. Make sense?
Thursday, August 11, 2011
To the Future
For the past month I have been engaged in a very aggressive reprogramming of my brain. There are are a few things that tend to trouble me but I quickly seek to push them out of my mind. One such thing is past failure to take advantage of opportunities the universe has provided me. I battle daily to not think, "Ah man, I blew it." Last night I was in bed again fighting to not dwell on those thoughts when I had a really great realization. If the universe has provided me with great opportunities in the past, then I can surely attract more opportunities that are as great, if not greater, than those I feel like I let pass. That thought is what I use to replace my feelings of, "Ah man, I blew it." If those feelings come, they are quickly replaced. I intend to be presented with incredible and miraculous opportunities. The kind that will blow my mind when they show up. I will recognize those opportunities because I am seeking them out.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Request
If/when I die, it is of utmost importance that I be buried with a sword. Like so.
Not a fake sword. Not a nerf sword. A genuine sword.
Not a fake sword. Not a nerf sword. A genuine sword.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Summer!!!
I am starting to get really excited for the summer time. Seriously. Summer is definitely my most favorite time of year. I have some plans I am really excited about. Like a brother brother road trip to California with Cooper and a cruise to Mexico that I was invited to go on for only $95. I am super excited about the cruise but at the same time I feel a little trepidation with all the drug cartel stuff that has been going on. I would really love to make it out to New York. I am dying to visit that place so I would really love to go. We'll see if it happens.
I have decided that I will be quitting my current job at the end of April whether I have another job line up or not. I have really come to appreciate some of my co workers and some of the management. But the job itself and some other issues are a bit more than I prefer to deal with. I am hoping with all of my being to be able to get a job with Telos. They are a treatment center for struggling teens. I think I would really enjoy it.
I have decided that I will be quitting my current job at the end of April whether I have another job line up or not. I have really come to appreciate some of my co workers and some of the management. But the job itself and some other issues are a bit more than I prefer to deal with. I am hoping with all of my being to be able to get a job with Telos. They are a treatment center for struggling teens. I think I would really enjoy it.
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